Lights will guide you home
by LizzieCrawley
Summary: Downton Abbey is slowly recovering from the shock caused by Matthew's death. But when someone important from Robert's past come back, Crawley family's life can be shaken again. The story takes place in 1922, about eight months after the events that happened in the series three Christmas episode, and brings to light events that happened in Robert's life before his marriage to Cora.
1. Chapter 1

_I_

"_I think a part of me will be always waiting for you." – Anonimous_

Robert could not say how long he had been there, sitting at his desk in the library, in silence, totally absorbed in his thoughts. Rosamund's letter, that Carson had given him shortly after lunch, was still in his hands.

"Robert?" Cora's voice startled him and he turned to see her standing there with a little smile at the corners of her lips. "Excuse me, dear, I did not want to scare you." She walked over to him, placing her hand softly on his shoulder with a worried expression on her face. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes. I... Was just distracted." He looked at her realizing the hat and the handbag she carried. "Are you going out?"

"Yes. I managed to convince Mary to go out a bit. We will go to the village to visit your mother."

"Good." He turned his chair so he could see her better. It was good news that Mary had finally decided to leave home.

"Is everything okay with Rosamund?"

"What?" He blinked without understanding her.

"The letter you received, is from Rosamund, isn't it?" She asked, raising her eyebrows with a puzzled look. "Oh, yes. It is from Rosamund." He said, folding the letter in his hands." Rosamund is alright. She said she will spend a few days with us when she will come to Lord and Lady Stratford's ball."

"Good," she said, with a smile, adjusting her dress' sleeves. "So we have one more person to convince Mary to attend the ball."

She leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek and turned around, walking towards the door. Robert watched her walk away until she disappeared through the library's door. He took a deep breath and slowly let the air come out of his lungs, feeling suddenly tired.

Lately he felt that there was little room in her life for him. She was constantly involved with Mary, who appeared to refuse to leave the mourning for Matthew's death, even after almost eight months. In addition, she was always worried about Sibbie and George, trying to be the mother they needed. Cora was so devoted to ensuring that their grandchildren would not feel the impact the losses they had suffered, that she seemed to have forgotten him. Robert felt that even Tom was getting more attention from her than himself.

They had suffered Sybil's loss too much and had barely begun to rise again when they were struck by Matthew's death. All that had left deep scars on all of them. It had been a hard year that Robert would like to be able to erase from his memory. But he knew it would never be possible. Time would just let the pain more bearable, but would never make it completely disappear.

And then, there was Mary, Tom and the babies. They needed him whole and strong. They needed him more than ever. So he forced himself to overcome everything. Just as Cora. He understood what she was doing and had admired her even more for that. What he had never expected was that all that effort to rebuild their family could stand between them, and he could not help but feel deeply lonely.

He shook his head slightly, as if that could withdraw those dark thoughts, and stood up, stretching his legs. Then looked again at Rosamund's letter over the table. The words written by his sister seemed to echo in his mind.

_"You may have already heard about the Italian family who bought Haxby. But there is one more thing, my dear brother, you need to know, since you will certainly find them at Lord Stratford's ball, or even before, in the village. The young Earl of San Bertazzo is the grandson of the Haxby's former owner, Lord Dunnington. He is also the eldest son of our old childhood friend, whom we knew by Lady Elizabeth Dunnington, now the Dowager Countess of San Bertazzo."_

Lady Elizabeth Dunnington. Lizzie... Robert could not say exactly how he felt about that.

He walked slowly to the window and looked at the garden, at that time completely lit by the afternoon sun. How long had he not thought about her? How long had he not heard that name? More than thirty years. Thirty-two, if his memory had not failed him. And yet, if he closed his eyes, he could easily see the image of those dark eyes that already had fascinated him so much.

Robert had thought he would never see her again. And even so, she was back. She had returned to the house that had once belonged to her family, the house where she was born and raised. Elizabeth had finally come back to Haxby. He could not help but feel happy for her, since he, more than anyone, knew what it should mean to her. Despite that, he felt strangely anxious to know that she was back, and he would see her again after so long.

Elizabeth's father, the late Lord Dunnington, had to dispose of everything when he lost much of the family's fortune in a disastrous investment, many years before. A story that was very familiar to Robert. He himself had been about to lose Downton Abbey twice, and twice was saved, first by Cora, and later by Matthew.

Lord Dunnington, however, had not had the same luck. Struck not only by financial failure, but also by the early loss of his eldest son, the Dunnington family had moved to Italy, to live next to one Lady Dunnington's sister. Move away from everything was the easy way old Richard Dunnington had found to overcome the pain of loss and shame for his ruin.

Richard Dunnington and Robert's father, the late Lord Grantham, had been childhood friends, the same way Robert and Rosamund had become friends with his children. James, Lord Dunnington's eldest son, was only two months older than Robert, and one year older than Rosamund. They had grown up together, shared childhood adventures in Downton and Haxby's large gardens. The two boys had become inseparable friends, they had been classmates at Eton and then studied together for three more years in Christ Church.

They always knew that was in their parents' plans a wedding between the Crawleys and the Dunningtons, to seal the centennial friendship between the two families. However, if a marriage between them was something that really appealed to their parents, the children were never able to see their future in that. James and Rosamund liked each other very much, but they felt more as siblings than anything else. As for Robert, he always saw Elizabeth, Charlotte and Anne, James's younger sisters, as three little girls, as they are younger than him. Perhaps at that time, among them all, only Elizabeth thought a little differently about that.

Then, on a fall morning, the unthinkable had happened. A stupid hunting accident had taken James's life, at twenty-one years old. And coincidentally, from that awful fact, their lives had taken a completely different course from what they had ever thought.

All that seemed to have happened so long ago that Robert felt like it was almost in another life. In a different life, at least, in a time when they were all young and naïve enough to remain oblivious to what the future would need from them.

He thought of going out for a walk. He desperately needed to slow down and forget it entirely, but he finally gave up the idea. Certainly walking alone by gardens full of memories was not the best way to erase from his mind the thoughts of his past.

And if he did not know exactly how he felt about the Elizabeth's return, at least he was sure about one thing: he did not need anything else to disturb his life, especially now that things were so difficult. Somehow, in the coming days, he would have to learn how to deal with the fact that Elizabeth had returned and would have to understand what it truly meant to him. It was something he needed to solve, alone.

He decided to go to the nursery. If he was lucky they were awake and he could spend some time with them, and perhaps distracted enough to forget everything that was tormenting him.

He went up the stairs quickly, followed closely by Isis fanning its tail happily, completely oblivious to the confused thoughts passing by its master's mind.

Sybbie had just fallen asleep, according to her nanny, but George was wide awake and grinned when saw him through his crib's bars. Robert could not help but smile too, infected by the boy's innocence. He took him in his arms and walked across the room, cradling him slowly, under the nannies' watchful eyes.

"How are you today, my sweet boy?" He told him in a low voice, fearing waking up Sybbie. George smiled again, and Robert thought there was nothing that could make him happier than seeing a smile those children's faces.

"Can I take him for a walk in the gardens?" Robert asked nanny Smith.

"Yes, my Lord. He is rested and fed", she replied.

"Good," he smiled looking at his grandson. "So let's take a ride, you and me."

"Would you like one of us to come with you, my Lord?"

"It will not be necessary, Mrs. Smith. Thank you", he looked at the boy who seemed very happy in his arms. "I think Master George and I will be perfectly fine in each other's company", he added with a grin.

Robert went down stairs slowly while talking to George, explaining about the walk they would take. Isis passed them running and was already waiting for them at the door. The little boy shook his arms happily when they approached it, and the big yellow Labrador also seemed happy to be in the young master's company.

He crossed the front door and walked into the garden, his shoes making noise on the gravel path, as he spoke softly to the boy, showing him everything they were seeing along the way. He sat on a bench in a shade of a tree. Putting him in his lap he stood there for a while, talking and playing with him, imagining how it would be in a few years when George and Sybbie would walk everywhere, running and playing. Downton would be again a place filled with joy and child's laughter, and he expected to be there to be part of it all.

After a while, he decided to go back inside. He did not know much about babies, but he knew enough to think that the outside's temperature might not be so suitable for little George now. In addition, the boy seemed not to be enjoying getting outside anymore, and then he took him back to the library. Robert rang the bell and a few minutes later Carson came through the library doorway, his face softening at the moment he saw the baby sitting on the couch next to his grandfather, playing with a small box that Robert had given him.

"Carson, please tell Mrs. Smith Master George will be here with me."

"Certainly, my Lord. Should I ask her to come to pick him up?"

"It will not be necessary", Robert shook the little box to call the boy's attention to him. "I think we're safe for now." Both men smiled when George shook his hands, looking bemused by the box's sound in his grandfather's hands. "Unless it is necessary to feed him or... Do anything else that babies need to be done. If it is not the case, we can still spend some time together."

"Perfectly, my Lord." Carson nodded slightly and left them alone, intimately satisfied with the scene he had witnessed. He went upstairs to take the message to Mrs. Smith, hoping that she would not have to take the baby back yet. He knew how important those moments were for Lord Grantham, after all they had gone by.

Robert kept playing with the boy, and realizing that he seemed sleepy, laid him in his lap so he could take a nap. He spoke to him softly, as he used to do with Sybil when she was a baby, and he knew that George would soon fall asleep. Later, he would take him back to his nanny. But now, all he wanted was to enjoy the peace of mind that the mere presence of his grandson brought to him.

As soon as she had returned home, Cora was informed by Carson that Robert was in the library. Mary went straight to her room, and so she decided to go to the library to join her husband. She knocked and entered, stopping instantly to enjoy the lovely scene before her eyes.

Robert was leaning against the huge red sofa with George perfectly accommodated in his arms. Both were asleep, and Isis seemed to take care of them, lying at its master's feet. The dog raised its sweet and large dark eyes to look at Cora, but made no other movement, as if afraid to wake them.

Cora smiled, touched. Robert had always loved children, and even that was not very typical of an English gentleman to show his feelings openly, he always had melted by their daughters when they were little. And she suspected that he would be even worse with their grandchildren.

She was moving away slowly when Robert had opened his eyes, still sleepy, to look at her.

"It seems that George fell asleep," he told her in a low voice, afraid to wake him.

"It seems that someone else fell asleep too", she approached, sitting carefully beside him. The two of them exchanged a smile and he can not help thinking of how much he had missed those smiles of her, so rare lately.

"It appears so," he said, giggling softly. George moved slightly in his lap, but she made a hand gesture indicating him that the boy was still sleeping.

"You're back early. Is everything okay? Where is Mary?"

"Upstairs, in her room." She replied softly, stroking George's blond hair. "She's fine. I guess she liked our little tour." He shook his head slowly.

"You want to hold him?" He asked her.

"No. He looks so perfectly happy in his grandfather's lap", she smiled. "You have not lost your touch."

"I guess not", he let out a stifled laugh looking at the little boy and then again to his wife, whose blue eyes were staring at him in a loving way. So they stood there in silence exchanging a long look, until she lowered her eyes to see George.

"He has your chin", she said finally.

"What?"

"Georgie has exactly the same chin of yours, with the very same dimple."

"Oh, please, do not do it with the boy!" Robert struggled not to laugh. "Do not make him feel bad because he has something like his silly and old grandfather," he told her with a chuckle.

Cora smiled and reached her hand to touch Robert's face, her fingers gently sliding down his face. "I like your chin." She tilted her head slightly. "It gives you an air of strength and dignity. And I'm sure George will love to have some resemblance to his old and silly grandfather." She said with confidence. Then she stood up and looked at him with an amused expression on her face. "Even though he is not so old..." she said with a small smile, teasing him.

"Oh, I see... Just silly?" He said, raising an eyebrow with an ironic smirk in response to her teasing, then realizing it had been a long time since she had teased him it that way. Cora smiled and held out her arms to him. "Now let me take George to sleep upstairs or he will spoil your jacket with all this drool."

Robert gave her the boy and watched Cora crossed the room and vanished through the doorway. Then he looked at his coat, there was a humid and dark spot in the place where George's head had been. He smiled getting up from the couch, feeling light for the first time in the last few days. There was nothing that could not be solved with soap and water, he thought, as he climbed the stairs going to his dressing room. After all, he would soon have to change clothes for dinner anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

II

"_I was on a street with a common name_

_I prayed for love, yeah, I even begged_

_I had a vision of you, that carried me through"_

_Nobody Knows - Live_

He was on his way to the dining room for his breakfast feeling very sorry for not having gone out early to visit the property with Tom. Now he would have to take his breakfast alone again.

He was feeling tired. It was the second night he had slept poorly. The news sent by Rosamund had disturbed him more than he liked to admit.

He walked into the room, wishing Carson, who was already waiting for him, a good day. He served up his usual piece of bacon and eggs, while talking to the butler on house's general topics. He sat in his place at the head of the table and looked at the two other places at the table, just getting confused for a second. Then he heard voices and the sound of laughter coming from the hallway and remembered that Edith and Rose had returned from London late the day before. The lack of sleep was also affecting his memory, he thought. And with a satisfied look he watched them come into the room, still laughing.

"Good morning, ladies", he told them.

"Good morning, Papa", Edith answered him and he noticed that she seemed happier than usual. Robert preferred to ignore in that moment that the reason for that sudden happiness of his daughter probably would be something that would not let him so happy.

"Good morning, cousin Robert," Rose said, taking her place beside Edith, as Carson hastened to serve them tea.

"It seems that both of you are quite happy today."

"And who would not be with a day like this, Papa?" Replied Edith, and Robert nodded slowly watching the blue sky through the window.

"And besides, we have exciting plans for today, Cousin Robert," added Rose. He hesitated to ask them what would be these plans, just fearing the answer. Robert glanced suspiciously at Edith, and she just grinned at him cryptically, causing Robert to feel suddenly uncomfortable in his chair.

"Edith will teach me how to drive," Rose said with a satisfied air, and he felt suddenly relieved that would not be anything absurd. Rose's presence had brought a little joy to them. But Robert had to admit that, despite liking the young lady, sometimes she almost would set him off.

"Maybe I should go with you", he said watching amused his comments effect over the two girls. They exchanged a puzzled look unsure how to answer him. He suppressed a smile. Surely these plans did not include his company. Edith realized then the expression in his eyes and grinned. "I can teach you how to drive too if you want, Papa." Robert allowed himself to laugh openly. "This would be for sure a very exciting plan for today, don't you think?" He said, humorous and the two girls giggled.

Robert turned his attention to the newspaper in front of him, drinking his tea slowly while the two girls talked about their other plans for the day. Lord and Lady Stratford's ball would be in three days and they seemed excited at the prospect of a social event in the countryside just before the season.

"Aunt Rosamund told us that you know the family who is moving to Haxby, Papa." Robert almost choked with the question, which had caught him by surprise. "_Rosamund can not even be silent_", he thought, trying to hide his face behind the newspaper. And he had thought that their company would help him to forget about that matter.

"Yes. They are descendants of the first and original Haxby's owners."

"Cousin Rosamund also told us that you were childhood friends with the Countess of San Bertazzo," Rosie said, sounding excited about the idea. "Yes," he replied, laconically, intimately hoping to have ended the subject.

"_Dowager_ Countess of San Bertazzo," Edith corrected her. "I never knew Haxby had belonged to another family before the Russells. When the Dunningtons have left Haxby, Papa?"

Robert suppressed a sigh. Since Rosamund had told them about the Dunnington's, she could at least have given them a few more details and saved him from that questioning.

"Many years ago, even before I met your mother." He finally replied, wincing even more behind the newspaper, which did not go unnoticed to Carson. The butler gave him an inconspicuous look without understanding his reaction.

"It must have been odd you simply have never heard of people who you were so close," said Rose, trying to keep the conversation going, but only increasing his anguish. "_It was far more than odd_," he thought, feeling a twinge of pain at the mere recollection. But before he could say anything, the door had opened after a knock and Anna walked in.

"Good morning, my Lord." Robert intimately thanked by such sudden intervention. "Mr. Carson, Lady Mary asked me to warn you that she will take her breakfast down here."

Robert raised his eyebrows in surprise looking at Anna with a silent question. That was the first time in a long time that Mary would come down to breakfast, a change in her behavior that seemed encouraging, at least in his view. Anna just smiled at them, with her shy way, without any comment.

"Thank you, Anna," Carson replied in his deep voice. And was with a pleased look that the butler began to prepare another place at the table, next to Robert.

"And what happened to the other Lord Dunnington's children?" Rose's curiosity seemed endless. What Robert could not understand was how they had not managed to get all the information from Rosamund, since his sister was so fond of talking about everything and everyone. But maybe he was being unfair to her, after all she seemed not to have told them anything that could make him uneasy. At least was what he hoped.

"Well, Rose, this is a question I do not know how to answer, unfortunately." Robert folded his newspaper and stood up determined to leave, before that interrogation become unbearable. "Carson, I'll be in the library," and then, looking at the two young ladies, he bowed his head slightly in courtesy and left them in the dining room making his way to the library.

He wanted to wait for Mary, but he saw no choice than to escape from there before things got worse. He had struggled in the last few days to remove Elizabeth from his thoughts. He knew that sooner or later he would have to face his past. However, he did not want to discuss it with anyone, much less with Edith or Rose.

He walked slowly through the library, looking at the sunny garden. The image of Elizabeth, in the way he had known thirty years ago, and who had walked through that same garden, completely clear in his mind. As if he had last seen her just in the day before.

Her smile, the glow of those smart dark eyes, which seemed to light up whenever they were together, the gentle curve of her chin. That joyful and sometimes daring nature of her that always made him feel right when he was next to her. He ran his hand through his curly hair, noting that despite not thinking about her for so many years, the memories were still there, very much alive. Too much alive for his own good.

He felt an increasing curiosity to know how she would look now, so long after. The years had passed to all of them anyway. But stronger than curiosity was the fear of his own reaction when they meet again.

He definitely needed to stop thinking about her. He had work to do and walked back to his desk when Cora came into the library. He should have a worried expression on his face because she asked if he was feeling well upon seeing him. Robert sat down at his desk forcing a smile, trying to look better than he really was.

"I'm just sleepy. I think I should have slept a little more this morning."

Cora looked at him with a serious expression on her face, not really believing in him. It had been a couple of days that there was something upsetting him, and she could not realize what it was. But she knew that whatever it was, it would come out when he was ready to speak. And she also knew that it was useless to push him to tell her. Robert needed some time to dwell on problems and find his way to tell her if it was necessary.

Before Cora began to make him more questions, and realizing that she did not seem satisfied with his answer, Robert looked away, turning his attention to the property books that Tom had asked him the night before to review. He would return before lunch to talk to Robert, and they had agreed that Robert would go with him on the visits in the afternoon. So he tried to focus on the books, but observed by the corners his eyes Cora approaches him.

"Do you have plans for this afternoon?"

"Yes. I'll go with Tom to check a few places on the property that need our attention. Why?" He turned to look at her. "Have you any other idea in particular?", he told her hoping that maybe she was thinking about spending some time with him.

"Actually, yes. I was thinking that maybe we should pay a call to our new neighbors, to give them a warm welcome."

Robert felt as if all the air had been taken out of the room and he could not breathe anymore. He stood there just looking at her not knowing what to say. He was definitely not ready for that yet.

"I thought we could go with the girls," she said, trying to read the odd expression on his face.

"Rose will love. She is very excited about the news that the new Haxby's owner is a young and single Earl." They both turned their heads when they heard Mary's voice from the other side of the room. "Not to mention that he is Italian."

"And what's so special about it?" Robert asked not quite sure that he really wanted to know the answer.

Cora tilted her head slightly and looked at him with a playful expression in her eyes before answering him. "Well, you know what they say about Italians," she paused intentionally, looking at him with a teasing smile. Robert frowned and she continued. "They say that Italian men are funnier than English men."

"Oh, of course. More fun", he made an expression of disdain and turned back to his desk, grumbling, without concealing his indignation. "So do not get too excited, do not forget that they are half English."

Mary, who had almost smiled at her father's reaction, had raised her eyebrows and spoke as a statement. "So they still will be a half funnier." Robert snorted, resolved not to give any other opinion and Cora and Mary exchanged an amused look.

"And where are Edith and Rose?" Cora asked them.

"Edith will teach Rose how to drive," Mary said turning her attention to the bookshelves, looking for something that could keep her interest and make the time pass faster.

"Mr. Dickens' books are on the other shelf," Robert told her without taking his eyes of the documents that he tried in vain to read.

"Thanks, Papa. But I have already found what I was looking for", she said taking one of the books from the shelf. Then she looked at Cora before leaving. "I'll be reading in the drawing-room", she said, coming out of the library and leaving them alone again.

Robert and Cora had watched her as she left the room, until he finally spoke. "She seems to be in a better mood this morning."

Cora nodded silently, hoping that Mary was finally starting to come back to life. But she feared that would happen the same as always, one day she seemed to be fine, and into the next day she closes herself in her bedroom again. Cora thought it was better to join Mary in the drawing room. She wanted to finish an embroidery in which she had been working for so long that she was getting sick of it. Only then she remembered that they hadn't finished their previous conversation.

"Robert, you have not answered my question."

He was thinking that the matter had been forgotten. "I'm sorry, my darling, but like I said, today I have already plans with Tom."

"Okay, so we can go another day." She walked to the door and said before leaving, "I'll be in the drawing-room, with Mary."

"Right. I need to review these documents. Maybe later I'll join you." He said with a smile, turning his eyes back to the pile of papers when Cora left. "Well, since this is inevitable", he thought with a sigh, trying to focus on his task.

Robert spent the next half hour trying in vain to concentrate on those documents. His thoughts were invaded all the time by images of Elizabeth and the sweet memories of a distant past.

He closed his books and decided to walk to the village. It was still early and he would be back in time for luncheon. Maybe he could pay a call to his mother or to cousin Isobel. It had been a few days since she had come to have dinner with them last time.

He had not been able to review the documents Tom had asked, but he would solve it somehow later. He warned Carson that he was going out and picking up his hat, had called Isis with a wave of his hand to which she responded immediately, already anticipating that they would go outdoors.

He crossed the gardens and followed the gravel road, watching the so familiar scenery around him. Isis was at his side, looking as it was so happy to be able enjoying that sunny morning.

Robert regretted having left Downton as soon as he set foot in the village, at the moment he saw the black car stopped on the main street. There was a lady standing outside the car, talking to a young man. Beside her was a girl who got into the car quickly, helped by the lad. The young man then turned to help her, offering her his arm so she could get in the car. She handed him her parasol, which he gave to the chauffeur for safe keeping.

He then stopped, as if his feet had suddenly grown roots and were stuck to the floor. Her face was partly covered by the hat she wore, but he recognized her immediately. Before his eyes, just a few feet away was Elizabeth Dunnington. He saw her saying something to the young man, who had smiled. And then, perhaps feeling observed, she turned her head slowly, looking straight at Robert. He saw the surprise in her eyes and the small smile that appeared on her lips as she stared at him, which made him feel a weird sensation in his stomach.

They stood there, staring at each other, for what seemed an eternity to him, but that should not have last more than one second. The passing years had been very generous to her, and she seemed to him even more beautiful than she was the last time he had seen her.

Robert knew he should have gone to them, presenting his regards, but he just could not move. Then she looked away, and leaning on the young man's arm, entered the car. The lad came soon after her, closing the door behind him and the car drove off, passing of Robert who just watched as they turned the corner and had disappeared between the houses.

The rest of the day had passed heavily, and even Tom's company did not make him forget about the brief encounter he had in that morning. Even Tom realized that he was different. "You're very quiet," he had told him at one point. Robert had given him an excuse just to avoid that Tom thought he was the reason for his glum behavior.

He needed to perk up before dinner. He knew that Cora had already noticed that he was upset, and he did not want to draw her attention to it even more. Especially because he couldn't explain himself to her.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Robert's head is spinning and memories do not want to abandon him. So we will travel with him to his past, to know a little of the young Robert Crawley, in two distinct moments, the first at 15 and second at 17 years old. Ah, all the lovely memories...**_

III

"_I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my sweetheart"  
The Lumineers - Ho Hey_

During dinner that night, he had participated very little of the conversations, which fortunately seemed to have gone unnoticed, since all were interested in the news brought by Edith and Rose from their stay in London. Until Rose began to tell them cheerfully as she and Edith had known the young Earl of San Bertazzo and his brother on that afternoon while she was taking driving lessons.

"They were riding to know the surroundings," Edith explained.

"They seemed to be extremely kind and polite. And they both speak an almost perfect English, almost without any accent", Rose said, not hiding her enthusiasm. "The Earl told us that they will attend Lord Stratford's ball."

"I thought we might invite them to a dinner party here at Downton. What do you think Mama?"

Before Cora could answer something, Robert choked up having a fit of coughing. Covering his mouth with his napkin, he reached out to pick up his glass of wine, under the astonished looks of everyone. "I... I'm fine..." he managed to say at last, raising his hand to reassure them, and drank more of his wine.

"I think it is a great idea, sweetheart," Cora said finally, without taking her eyes from Robert, whose faces had gone from bright red to completely pale.

"I suppose we should wait for the arrival of your Aunt Rosamund," Violet spoke ignoring Robert, already suspecting what was the reason for that preposterous reaction. "She would be very disappointed if she could not be present."

"Sure, Granny," Edith said with a smile.

"Robert, are you okay?" Cora asked, with a concerned look.

"I am," he replied, making a sign for Carson to serve him more wine. "I just need to drink a little more."

"So we must schedule the dinner party for after the ball. What do you think Robert?" Cora asked him. "I guess I can wake up from this nightmare now", he thought before answering her with a simple nod and a forced smile.

"Good. I will write the invitation tomorrow morning," she told them, still looking concerned about him.

After his mother was gone and the girls had retired to their rooms he remained for a long time sitting in the library. Cora had come to meet him before going to bed. And he realized the tone of concern in her voice when she spoke.

"Excuse me if I'm being insistent, darling, but are you alright? You have been acting a little strange lately. Maybe you should see Dr. Clarkson."

He held her hands in his, lovingly, feeling the weight of guilt on his shoulders. He did not want to cause her any concern. Even more that the reasons for his strange behavior would be nothing pleasant to her. And because of her, he needed to overcome everything. More than that, he owed it to her.

"Do not worry, my dear, my health is good," he smiled, looking into her eyes with the certainty that he still loved her very much.

"And is everything okay with..." she paused knowing how much he was sensitive to that subject, "...with the finances?"

Robert smiled, trying to reassure her. "Yes, everything is alright."

"Right. I will not trouble you with this issue anymore," she kissed him quickly on the cheek before leaving him alone again, at the promise that he would take only one drink and then would also go upstairs.

But Robert does not know if he could keep that promise. He sat on the couch, staring at the glass of brandy in his hands. He had to solve it, or it would raise even more Cora's suspicions. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her. But the brief encounter that morning had only served to make him more confused, and bringing up even more memories. And he knew he would not sleep well again tonight.

* * *

_At fifteen, Robert was almost a head taller than his friend, and despite being a handsome young man with impressive blue eyes, he was easily overshadowed by James' almost classical beauty and charisma._

_Robert was sitting under a tree shadow, listening to the endless argument between James and Rosamund. In these moments he wished that Miss Fairfax could interfere. But Rosamund was not her responsibility. As Dunnington's governess she had her attention completely focused on the lovely James' sisters. And in that moment she was more concerned with taking care of Charlotte and Anne who were feeding the ducks by the pond. Robert looked at them wondering how long it would take until little Anne decided to go inside the pond._

_Then he looked at Elizabeth, who was sitting next to him, and who seemed to have fun on the argument between his brother and Rosamund._

_"Is there anything that will make them stop?" Robert told her with a grin._

_"We could make a fake ball," she said, her girly face lit up with the very idea, and Robert laughed, rolling his eyes. She was always ready to play one of those imaginary parties in the gardens._

_"No, no. Today you will not make me dance!"_

_"But we have to get used to dance, Robert. After all, when we get married we will have to dance together forever," she told him, with all her wisdom and Robert laughed openly._

_That conversation seemed to have caught James' attention, who interrupted his discussion with Rosamund for intervening._

_"Elizabeth!" He scolded her. "You should be happy that Miss Fairfax hasn't heard you. Young ladies don't say things like this. And you shouldn't be bothering Robert."_

_"That's right, because is allowed to bother just one Crawley at a time," said Rosamund, teasing James._

_"We haven't finished our conversation yet, Rosamund," James told her with a smirk. "What about you, Lizzie, I do not know how a little girl of only ten years can be so impertinent!"_

_"Eleven. I am eleven, James. And I'm not a little girl. And I'm not impertinent," Elizabeth crossed her arms and frowned angrily. And Robert tried not to laugh this time._

_"She's not bothering me, James. But I am sure, dear Lizzie, that once you grow up you will find a very nice gentleman, much better than I... "_

_"And probably more handsome too," Rosamund interrupted him and Robert gave her a disapproving look before continuing._

_"As I was saying, before being kindly interrupted by my impertinent sister, you will find someone who will dance all the dances with you."_

_Elizabeth looked at Robert for a few seconds, very serious. Then she got up, still looking angry and walked towards Miss Fairfax and her sisters, but stopped and turned back to him._

"_One day we will get married and you'll want to dance all the dances with me. I'm sure," she said, turning on her heels and running to meet her sisters._

_The three of them exchanged glances and laughed._

_"Now you are cursed, Robert," James said, sitting beside him._

_"Well, James, she is lovely," said Rosamund. "And you should be glad for this interest of her in Robert. After all, although I think marrying Robert would be the worst punishment for anyone, it would deviate our dear parents' eyes from us."_

_"Now that you mention," said James, looking from Rosamund to Robert. "It does not seem a bad idea to have you as a brother in law."_

_"No, this is very wrong. And besides, you can still be my brother in law by marrying my sister," Robert said to them._

_"But this will not be possible," James said, pausing on purpose to look at Rosamund. "Because this will be the worst of punishments," he added, in a playful tone, already preparing to run to defend his own life from Rosamund's anger. But she merely throws him a contemptuous look._

_"As my older brother, you should defend me, Robert."_

_"I'm sorry, Rosamund, but I'm not used to it. You rarely need to be defended," Robert said with an amused look, and Rosamund rolled her eyes._

_"You're hopeless. Both of you. I don't know why I even waste my time with you two," she said, marching toward the pond. Perhaps it would be better to go feed the ducks._

* * *

Robert smiled at the memory, filling his glass again and slowly tasting the brandy.

Elizabeth had always seemed so sure about their future when she was a girl. He never gave it much attention, always thinking of it as a child's game between them.

He never understood how anyone could be so fond to dance as Elizabeth. At that time she was the only person able to convince him to dance. After all, there was music even in her smile.

* * *

_They had given the horses' reins to the stable boys who were waiting for them in front of the stables. Robert was thirsty and was already getting sick of the discussion between James and Rosamund, who had come all the way back to the house arguing over who had actually won the race they had disputed._

_Then he walked away, leaving them behind, crossing slowly the path that led from the stables to the house. He particularly liked that path because it crosses a small garden, which at this time of year was already flowered._

_He was pleased because the ride was finally finished. He liked of horse riding, but lately, riding with James and Rosamund had become an eternal patience exercise as the two always seemed to be competing with each other._

_He heard a female voice that was humming softly, and he instantly recognized as Elizabeth's. He followed her voice, trying not to make any sounds, until he saw her through the trees._

_She was alone, and seemed to talk to someone imaginary, because she bowed slightly and then stretched out her arms as if hugging the air. Then, leaning on her imaginary partner, she began to waltz gracefully while humming. Robert stood there for a while just watching her, a grin on his lips, enjoying the scene before his eyes, while remaining sheltered by the trees._

_Until he left his hiding place and approached her, his boots making noise under the kindling of the ground. Elizabeth was startled to see him, and immediately stopped her imaginary dance, embarrassed to have been caught like that._

_"Robert... I... I did not hear you approaching," she said through an embarrassed smile._

_Robert just smiled and held out her his hand , tilted his head slightly._

_"Lady Elizabeth," he told her, still smiling, "would give me the honor of this dance?"_

_Elizabeth hesitated a moment, surprised. But then she grinned and with a bow, took his hand. Robert then conducted her gracefully in that imaginary waltz, while Elizabeth hummed, looking perfectly happy to be in his arms._

_They then heard James's voice, coming from behind them and they both turned immediately, interrupting their dance as he came through the trees._

_"Well, well, looks like we are losing the ball, Rosamund!" Said James, putting his gloves and hat onto a bench and reaching for Rosamund, with an exaggerated bow. "Lady Rosamund?"_

_But Rosamund looked at him with disdain, her green eyes flashing._

_"Oh, James! I'm in no mood for such childish games! Moreover, ladies should only dance with gentlemen, something that definitely you are not!" Rosamund sat on the bench, angry._

_Elizabeth looked at Robert, hoping that he would explain what was going on, even though she already knew what it was. James started again picking on Rosamund and Robert shook his head, as if he had given up on them. He and Elizabeth then followed by the gravel path, walking side by side, while he told her about one more of the disputes between his sister and her brother. They both laughed, and stopped in the shade of a tree._

_"It is a pity that you and James have to leave to Christ Church again," she regretted._

_"It is, indeed. But then we will have only two more years to go", he grinned._

_"Two more long years in which we will see each other only a few times."_

_Before Robert could say anything, they heard the voice of Miss Fairfax, who seemed to be looking for Elizabeth. She then looked at him without hiding a mischievous smile._

_"I need to go back. I should be inside studying my piano lessons," she said to him in a low voice, as a confession and Robert faked a look of reproach._

_"But the day outside was so adorable that I had to run away," she opened her arms and spun, smiling. Robert watched her with a smile, enjoying the joyful way that made him feel so good._

_So, Elizabeth approached him and getting on her toes, placed a quick kiss on his face, and after that, she had walked hurried towards the mansion, turning only to smile at him one last time._

_James and Rosamund had not seen the scene, joining him just in time to see Elizabeth disappearing through the doorway. Robert knew he had blushed, because he felt the heat in his face, and because of the puzzled way Rosamund was looking at him. He chose to ignore her and start walking back to the house before she started to ask him any questions._


	4. Chapter 4

**So, now we will have a little more about Robert and Elizabeth, but I promise you that is for good. This chapter is too long, but in the next I will try to come back to normal. Next chapter we will be back to the present, and we will have a feared encountering, suspicious of a wife, and a very troubled Robert. Thanks for all reviews, and please, let me know what you think about this chapter.**

IV

"_Cause I all know is we said hello_

_And your eyes are like coming home_

_All I know is a simple name_

_Everything has changed"_

_Everything has changed - Taylor Swift / Ed Sheeran_

Robert had joined his family only at the luncheon. He had spent the morning with Tom, traversing the property and reviewing property records. Immersing himself in the subjects of the state had been the best choice to fill his mind. And especially today, he needed something else to worry about to ward off anxiety about Stratford's ball.

Also it had been the best way to avoid Rosamund, who had been trying to be alone with him since she had come to Downton the previous afternoon. And he knew exactly what she wanted to talk to him.

Now, while they waited for Cora and Mary in the great hall, Robert once again had taken shelter talking with Tom.

She stared at him quietly, while talking to Rose and Edith. Rosamund was worried because she does not know exactly how Robert was feeling. She knew that Elizabeth's return had disturbed him. She realized that in his long silences and in the way he had been avoiding her. But despite these few signs, she did not really know what was going on inside him.

However, she also had to deal with her own troubles. For a long time, she had held within herself a tremendous guilt for knowing that she could have prevented Robert and Elizabeth from suffering. And that belief was only alleviated when she realized that Robert was happy with Cora, about a year after their marriage. Knowing that his brother was finally in love and had beside him someone who loved him more than anything, was what had freed her to go in search of her own happiness.

Now, the ghosts of the past were back and they need to face them. And she feared for them all, but especially by Robert and Cora.

Cora and Mary finally came down, joining the others in the great hall. Robert then rushed them to depart before they would be late. They passed Carson and Thomas, and gradually took their places in the three cars that were waiting for them at the front door. Carson watched them intently, stopped at the door, while Thomas and Alfred helped the ladies to get in the cars.

Robert was intimately thankful for Tom to have joined them in the same car. So maybe Cora should engage in conversation with him, allowing Robert to get lost in his thoughts.

* * *

_Robert was happy for being home. This had been his last year at Christ Church, which meant he could finally take his obligations beside his father in the state management. More important than this, it meant he would no longer need to spend long periods away from Downton._

_He met Rosamund in the great hall on his way to breakfast. She should have heard him humming as he went downstairs, because as soon as she saw him, she began to tease him. But Robert has not lost his good mood and just chuckled when she mentioned his singing out of tune._

_"You should wash your ears better," was all he said to her._

_The two halted at the door when they heard Henry's voice, and had waited for their friend to approach so they all could go in together._

_Lord Henry Hartwood was staying at Downton as Robert's guest. The two lads had become friends during the time they studied together at Christ Church. He was a very charismatic young man and endowed with a certain charm that seemed to always appeal to everyone, especially the young ladies._

_Rosamund, who was not so easily impressed, had not fallen for the charms of her brother's friend. But despite that, she seemed to enjoy his company, and Robert suspected that she had liked Henry especially because he did not seem so keen on teasing her, as he and James usually did._

_Robert opened the door, and they went in, wishing Lord Grantham good morning. He looked up from his newspaper to observe them while they served. He felt his father's eyes on him, and smiled. Lord Grantham seemed as pleased as himself to have Robert back._

_His father turned his eyes back to the newspaper, but Robert knew he was paying attention to their conversation. He had noticed the discreet smile on his father's face in front of one or other humorous comment that they had done._

_Rosamund had planned a horseback ride on that morning for them. She loved to ride horses, and she was an excellent rider, a talent unveiled since she was very young. Robert would never admit it aloud, but she was far better than him._

_"I trust you do not intend to go to the ball this evening riding, Rosamund," said Lord Grantham, looking at his daughter over the newspaper._

_"Papa!" She gave him an indignant glare, and their father grinned, his face hidden by the newspaper. Robert noticed the humorous glow in his father's blue eyes and took the opportunity to tease his sister._

_"It may be a good idea," he said, putting his tea-cup on the table and exchanging a look with Henry, who suppressed a smile. "Think of the impact you would cause!"_

_"Like the impact of Viscount Downton falling off his chair on the ground," she replied with a challenging look, and Robert raised his eyebrows pretending amazement._

_Lord Grantham shook his head, suppressing a grin. Robert knew that their parents had hoped that with the passage of the years Rosamund would learn to control her sharp tongue and her daring way, often targeted of his mother's criticisms. But he believed that, despite agreeing with his mother, intimately his father did not care very much with Rosamund's manners, instead he seemed to be having fun with it._

_Finishing her breakfast, Rosamund called him and Henry to leave for the ride. They still had to wear the appropriate apparel and she did not want to lose any minute longer of that glorious morning._

_Henry almost jumped from his chair, as if he had received an order, leaving the room just behind Rosamund. But Robert had stayed to drink the rest of his tea while trying to take a peek into his father's newspaper._

_Lord Grantham looked at him over the newspaper, his blue eyes staring at him, causing Robert to blush slightly to have been discovered. He put the newspaper on the table to be able to look at him._

_"You better hurry up, young man, or you will delay your sister's plans," he grinned at him. "And you certainly do not want her to be angry with you."_

_"No," Robert stood up. "Never," he said with a smile before leaving the room._

_The path from Haxby's gates to the house's entrance was illuminated from both sides by torches. The carriages, bringing the numerous guests lined up for people to get out in front of the main entrance._

_Footmen received the guests, helping them down the carriages and went with them to the front door, where they were received by Lord and Lady Dunnington._

_As soon as he could, James joined them. They were close to Lord and Lady Grantham, and Rosamund sat in the empty chair next to her mother, while the three young men remained standing beside them, cheerfully chatting._

_Robert had seen several acquaintances, some of them had come to talk to his parents and then with them. He could not deny that he was a little anxious to see Elizabeth. It had been a long time since they had met last time._

_She had left for Italy with her __sisters two years ago, to stay in an aunt's home, accompanying Lady Dunnington, who by physician's order had needed to spend some time in a warmer place to recover from an illness. However, even with the return of Lady Dunnington and her sisters, Elizabeth had still remained for over a year with her aunt._

_As he was completing his studies at Oxford, Robert spent most of that time out of Downton. But he always felt a little disappointed not to find Elizabeth each time he and James came home._

_He had slowly realized he missed her more than he would admit. Picnics, horseback riding, hiking, none of it seemed to be the same without the joyful presence of Elizabeth among them._

_But beyond her absence, he had been equally disappointed by her silence. Unlike the time when he and James were at Eton and in their first year at Oxford, when she used to write to him as often as she wrote to his brother, he had not received any letter from her in these last two years._

_That made Robert believe she had forgotten their friendship. And it bothered him deeply, to the point he had seriously considered not attending the ball tonight. But that would be terribly rude, and then he had no choice but to be there, even feeling slightly uncomfortable._

_"Gentlemen, you will excuse me but I need to leave you for a moment," James told them, straightening up and then left them, going up the stairs and disappearing through one of the doors, from where he would definitely return accompanied by Elizabeth._

_She had already been formally presented to the court, but Lord and Lady Dunnington had also chosen to give a private party in Haxby, before they have to go to London for the season._

_It was at the sound of the orchestra they saw Elizabeth come at the top of the stairs, escorted by James' arms. Robert just could not take his eyes off her. He had stopped talking in the middle of a conversation with Henry, and his eyes seemed magnetized by her sight._

_He was not prepared for that. Before him were the same fascinating dark eyes, the same lovely smile, and even then, it was as if he was looking at another girl. Young lady, he corrected himself mentally, as his eyes followed her, trying to disguise his delight, while Elizabeth walked down the steps and take her father's arm, whom was waiting for her downstairs._

_Elizabeth could now participate in all social events that London Season could offer. And she could also be wooed by men who were after a wedding, he thought, while feeling uncomfortable with the idea._

_"It is no wonder that James was hiding his sister," Henry said quietly. "Why have you never told me about her? She is lovely."_

_He hardly heard what Henry had said, it was as if all his senses had been overwhelmed by the sight of her in front of him. Lovely was the only word that had come to his ears. "Yes, lovely. Incredibly gorgeous," he thought, realizing that after so long, that might be the first time he really looked at Elizabeth._

_Gradually the ballroom was taken by many people who danced happily. Robert remained in his place, just watching while many gentlemen go to Elizabeth and her parents to pay their compliments and ask her for a dance. Even Henry, had disappeared from his side without him even noticing to reappear exactly beside Elizabeth and James. But Robert was still feeling uncomfortable. Especially because Elizabeth seemed to completely ignore his presence there, without even giving him one simple look._

_Robert decided to go to her, he should at least present them the proper greetings. But before he reached her, Henry had taken her to dance, and he had stood midway, watching them win the ballroom._

_He went to the balcony, where he could watch her while waited for the end of the dance. On the way he was approached gently by Lord Dunnington, who brought on his arm the young Lady Beatrice Beaumont, and he was forced to dance with her._

_After that, Robert tried to approach Elizabeth several times throughout the evening without success. Someone always seemed to get to her before him. Moreover, Rosamund seemed determined to make him dance with all her friends that evening._

_And the more time passed, the more he was sure that Elizabeth was avoiding him, which made him increasingly uncomfortable. Maybe she really had forgotten their friendship after all. That would explain why she had stopped to write to him and why she had kept herself away for so long._

_He finally managed to take refuge on the balcony, feeling depressed. He breathed in the cool night air, and looked at the ballroom, this time without being able to locate her. Shortly after, Henry joined and the two stayed there, chatting while watching the motion of the ballroom._

_"You both really let me down!"_

_They turned as they heard James voice, who was standing at the balcony door, looking at them with an astonished expression on his face._

_"I promised the young ladies here today that my friends were charming and lovely gentlemen that would make them float all over the ballroom. And I meet you two here, hidden in the balcony!" James walked to them and leaned back next to Robert. "I confess that I would expect it from Robert, but you, Henry? Why are not there, delighting all young ladies?"_

_"As if I had any chance!" Henry said with an expression of mock dismay. "See, my dear fellow, young ladies here today already has their preferences. There are several of which are at Lord James Dunnington's feet. But, we have already expected that." The other two laughed at him, and Henry continued, with a puzzled expression on his face. "But there is yet another gentleman who reigns supreme among female preferences tonight."_

_"And who was he?" James asked him, exchanging an amused glance with Robert._

_"It seems tonight, you've got competition from our charming Lord Downton here," Henry said placing his hand on the Robert shoulder, who looked at them with an expression between surprised and amused, and laughed openly._

_"I knew that sooner or later this would happen," James said. "I knew that one day all ladies would fall for your gentle and mysterious looks, Lord Downton."_

_"You both are so much fun," Robert laughed._

_"But I happen to have good hearing, Crawley," Henry said, patting him on the back friendly. "Be assured that there are some young ladies who would give anything for a dance with the charming Viscount Downton."_

_"And talking about dance, I do not remember seeing you dancing with Elizabeth, Robert."_

_"Like that was possible," Robert shrugged. "Your sister seems to have promised every dance from this ball. And perhaps also all of the next," he said, and James chuckled._

_"I am sure that she must have saved at least one dance for an old friend. "_

_"If she still thinks me as an old friend," Robert thought gloomily._

_When the song ended, James adjusted his coat sleeves. "Now, gentlemen, excuse me, but I have a lovely lady waiting for me for the next dance," he said, pulling away. Henry followed his lead, and left him, also looking for his partner. Robert stood there, watching them, feeling discouraged._

_Then he saw her again, sitting next to her mother. He watched as she politely declined a gentleman's invitation. And he thought she seemed to be looking for someone, when their eyes finally met. Elizabeth smiled softly and Robert felt like he had missed a heartbeat._

_As he walked towards her, he saw her face lighting up. He felt completely foolish. He should have known that among all dances, she would save him a waltz._

_"Good evening, Lord Downton," she said in a soft voice when he stopped in front of her._

_"Good evening, Liz..." he then corrected himself, still smiling, "Lady Elizabeth." She sustained his gaze, as she had always done, but it never seemed so disturbing as now._

_"Would you give me the honor of this dance?" He told her, with a slight bow._

_"I'd be delighted," she told him, a smile playing on her lips when she reached out her hand to him to lead her to the ballroom. "I thought you'd never ask," she told him in a low voice next to his ear, when they began to dance. And Robert once again felt that strange feeling in his chest._

_There was a soft smile in his lips while they were spinning to the music around the ballroom. He was feeling happy to have her attention again._

_When the music finally stopped, to the orchestra's rest break, he invited her for a walk in the gardens. He offered her an arm which she took and they walked towards the garden._

_While they walked down the steps which lead from the balcony to the garden, as they had already done many times before, Robert was completely aware of the warmness from her hand on his arm._

"_You did not say goodbye to me before you went to Italy", he said while they were walking. His voice was soft, and his blue eyes were staring at her with a serious expression._

"_And you didn't come to see me when I came back. I think we were even", she grinned, a playful glint in her eyes. His arm muscles seemed to relax slightly, his confidence returning slowly as they talked to each other. But he suddenly stopped walking._

_"I... I think I made an unforgivable mistake..." he looked at her and Elizabeth raised her eyebrows with a puzzled expression._

_"I should have asked your mother's permission before we came into the garden."_

_She looked at him seeming to doubt he really was serious. "Asked for my mother's permission?" Elizabeth repeated and he nodded. "To have a walk in the garden as we have done hundreds of times before? You cannot be serious," she laughed._

_"But I am. Now everything is different, **Lady Elizabeth**," he said emphasizing his last two words. "In the past we were just two children, and we were always accompanied by Miss Fairfax or by James and Rosamund. But now, everything is different." He looked at her, trying not to be disturbed by the beauty of her eyes. "Now you are a young lady, and although you are totally adorable, you have a reputation to protect."_

_Robert noticed her cheeks blushed slightly and he felt almost thrilled to be able to cause that kind of effect on her. She had never blushed before him before. She had always been too self-confident for that. But he also knew that he had never looked to her in that way before. That reaction seemed to be a sign that, unlike he had thought, maybe she had not become indifferent to him._

_"I don't think Mama has been displeased with our walk", she said with a coy grin._

_"Probably not," he told her. "For my fortune," he added._

_Then they started to walk again, her hand resting gently on his arm once more._

_"I don't want things to change between us," she turned to look at him. Robert was not quite sure what she exactly meant. However, he couldn't explain why, but he felt that it was no longer possible. Something inside him had changed, even though he doesn't completely understand what it was. And then he remained silent, waiting for her to continue._

_"Wont you go address me by Lady Elizabeth, will you?" She smiled and Robert realized the glint in those lovely dark eyes._

_"Probably," he looked at her with a gentle expression, "when necessary, I suppose."_

_"So will you force me to call you Lord Downton?" Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in question._

_"No, my dear Lizzie," he smiled, "I could never force you into anything."_

_"That's better," Elizabeth smiled back, and Robert thought there was a different tone in her voice when she added, "my dear Robert."_

_While returning home that night, later, Robert felt tired, but have a strange feeling of lightness in his chest. All his fears vanished in a single night. And for the first time in all those years, he couldn't wait to be in London to enjoy the season. Something told him that would be memorable, and he would look forward to every single waltz._


	5. Chapter 5

**Back again to the present. Let's see what happen when old flames are finally face to face. And finally, a little of Robert / Cora fluff to comfort our hearts. There are more chapters to come, things will not go so easy for Robert, and we will have more Cora.**

V

"_And if you feel the fading of the light,_

_And you're too weak to carry on the fight,_

_And all your friends that you count on have disappeared,_

_I'll be here, not gone, forever, holding on"_

_James Morrison – I won't let you go_

Robert could not remember feeling so lonely in a party before. And it seemed that every minute things got even more challenging. To the point of feeling suffocated, as if his collar shirt had suddenly shrunk.

He had gone out to the garden to breathe the cool night air. Alone. Well, not quite, he was accompanied by his ghosts and his glass of whiskey, which seemed to be the most suitable companion for him that night. He did not bother to tell anyone where he was. He was sure that, at least for a while, none of them would feel his absence.

Tom had been much of the time sitting next to them, silent and with a faraway look. He seemed to feel as uncomfortable as Robert. Except for a few dances with Edith and Rose, he had little interacted with others. Robert had only exchanged a few words with him overnight. Although their relationship had improved in recent times, with the exception of state's subjects, there were still barriers that needed to be broken between them.

Rosamund had finally engaged in a long talk with Sir Charles Berkeley. And judging by the constant exchange of smiles between the two of them, Robert suspected his sister was analyzing the prospect of having Sir Charles as a possible suitor. He was relieved by this, because he could no longer bear Rosamund's eyes constantly upon him, watching his every move.

Cora was determined not to leave Mary's side, even now, as she talked to Lord Gillingham. Robert has asked his wife to dance twice and was gently refuted both times. He came to believe that Lord Gilligham's presence would make Cora finally give in, but when he noticed the look Mary gave to her mother, with a silent plea, he saw again his invitation be declined. Perhaps Mary was not yet fully prepared yet anyway.

Edith and Rose luckily seemed to be enjoying themselves. He had seen Edith dancing with a pleased expression on her face. And Rose ... Well, he didn't know where Rose was, and just hoped deeply that she wasn't doing anything inappropriate. After all, he couldn't worry about her now. He was too busy dealing with his own doubts and mixed feelings.

He and Elizabeth were able to avoid themselves during almost the whole night, and even though their eyes had met a few times, they had exchanged no word.

Except early in the evening, when she and her sons came to greet them, brought by Lord Stratford. After the formalities of introductions and welcomes, the young Earl of San Bertazzo had thanked them for the dinner invitation at Downton and reiterated that it would be an honor to be received by them.

They had stayed with them for a while, her two sons talking with Edith and Rose, while Rosamund had taken front in the talks between the rest of them, when she realized that Robert could not articulate a single coherent sentence.

He felt immensely relieved when they had finally left them, to join a group of acquaintances who were with Lady Beatrice. There were some people there who were actually happy to see Elizabeth again, and to him, she looked glad to be back too.

As for him, well, he was definitely disturbed by being face to face with her once more. He had barely managed to chat with other people, just for fear that someone else could see what was going on inside him.

And as if that were not enough, he couldn't count on Cora. If only she gives him some attention, he would not feel like this. He needed her on his side, needed her smile and her kiss. But mostly, he needed to look into her eyes and see printed on them love she felt for him, just to reassure him that everything would be all right.

And yet there he was, walking alone through the garden trying to appease his sorrows with a glass of whisky. In fact, more than one glass, he thought as he drank the rest at once.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the presence of someone standing there, partially hidden by the trees, watching the beautiful fountain and large gardens around. Both jumped back when he had almost bumped her.

"Excuse me, I ..." he could not finish because Elizabeth was staring at him, looking completely surprised to find him there. And it took a few seconds for both to recover.

"Lord Grantham," she finally said.

"Countess," he said, bowing his head slightly. "I apologize for being so clumsy. I really did not notice your presence here."

"I accept your apologies," she seemed to force a smile.

There was a long silence between them, their eyes fixed on each others. Robert felt that there was so much he wanted to tell her, but at the same time, there was nothing that could be said. And even though he would know what to say, he was not able to think clearly enough. If it was because the alcohol excess or the effect of her over him, he did not know.

"It's odd to call you Lord Grantham," she said, after a while, with a shy smile, but one he knew to be for real. "Lord Grantham has always been your father."

He nodded slowly, looking down with a grin. Some things may never change anyway.

"And you're still the same rebel."

"No. By no means," she told him, and adding when she saw the amused expression on his face. "Well, maybe in the past. Not any more."

He nodded silently, watching the water at the fountain in front of them. She had pretty much dominated his thoughts in those last days, bringing up long forgotten memories, reliving feelings he could not explain. Life had led them by the separate paths. But he wasn't sorry. It was impossible to regret. He was sure that, despite the recent painful losses, he had received from life more than he deserved. But yet, looking at her now, made him think about dreams they once had about a future together, full of possibilities, painfully interrupted. He shook his head slightly, as if to move away those thoughts.

"Your eldest son..." he looked at her again, his eyes narrowing.

"Francesco," she said, knowing what he would say before he even spoke.

"Francesco," he repeated. "It's amazing his resemblance to..."

"James," she added, and Robert smiled, nodding before continuing.

"Suddenly, it was like being face to face with your brother again."

"I know. And in a certain way, this is comforting." She smiled softly with a wistful expression in her eyes. "You should talk to him. You will notice that he has the same joyful and irreverent James' personality." And then added, with the same playful glow in her eyes he had seen so many times in the past. "Fortunately, we have to thank for having between Rosamund and him a respectable age difference, or else we would back those so warm disagreements."

He smiled at the remembrance of the endless disputes between James and Rosamund. She also should have noticed the similarity between the two. It was impossible not to remember James looking at young Francesco, who should now have the same age as James when he had died. His gaze turned back to Elizabeth. She was still a disturbingly beautiful woman. Lowering his guard for the first time that night, he let his eyes wander by her face for a brief moment.

"Are you happy?" He asked suddenly, and added when she looked momentarily confused, "By being back?"

"Yes," she said lowering her eyes, a twinge of sadness in her voice as she continued. "This was my father's dream. Regain his ancestor's house, his house. He could never realize it. But despite being happy to finally return to Haxby, it was painful to enter again in that house without my parents, without James. "There were tears in her eyes when she looked at him once more. And on an impulse, Robert took her hand and squeezed it gently, comforting her.

She closed her eyes for a second, his touch was too overwhelming, bringing out emotions that she didn't know how to control. Then she freed her hand from his, gently.

"I need to go back," she said finally, and he nodded slowly, watching her cross the garden. Then he realized, feeling uneasy, Cora was standing at the balcony, watching them. He saw her and Elizabeth met and exchanged a few words before Elizabeth disappeared through the balcony door.

Cora had arrived on the balcony in time to see Elizabeth say something to Robert and move away. She felt a strange feeling, as if something was amiss, when she had met her a minute ago. But she chose to ignore that feeling while walking towards Robert.

She had left him too long on his own that night, while doing her best to keep Mary at ease. She was a little surprised by his behavior, that rather than socialize with the other guests at the party, had spent most of the time around them, like a dog without an owner. Robert was not a big partier, as some of his friends, but he used to enjoy in social events. She smiled at him when he met half way.

"There you are," she said, approaching him, the soft glow in her eyes making him feel completely guilty. She touched his cheek lovingly and he covered her hand with his. And then she looked at him in that way that always made his heart beat faster in his chest. That was all he had longed for all night. And all he wanted was to kiss her and forget how foolish he was for letting old wounds interfere in their lives.

"Are you alright?" She asked, and then she looked at the empty glass he still had in his hand. "Robert, how much did you drink?"

"A little," he replied with a sheepish look. And when she narrowed her eyes in question, he chastised himself. "Well, maybe a little more than a little."

She chuckled softly. "I hope that was not enough to prevent you dancing with me," she told him with a teasing grin. "You still owe me a dance."

"Do I?" He narrowed his eyes and took a step toward her, shortening the distance between them in an almost reprehensible way. "Do I owe you a dance?"

She simply nodded slowly, noticing the tiny smile curving the corners of his lips. He handed her his glass to hold it, which she did without anticipating his thoughts. He then leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, his breath making a chill in her neck. "I'll need both my hands free." Then he wrapped her waist with his arms and pulled her to him, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Cora allowed herself to be kissed for a moment and then placed her hand on his chest, pushing him gently.

"Robert! Please behave yourself," she scolded him, but was completely betrayed by the look in her eyes, and he suppressed a smile. "And don't you think you'll get rid that easy."

"Who says I want to get rid?" He smiled, taking back his glass from her hands, and offering his arm to her to hold as he guided her back to the ballroom.

"Mary?"

"With Lord Gillingham."

"Dancing?", he raised a brow.

"No. Just talking. Tom had joined them."

"Remind me to thank him", he said, with a satisfied look in his eyes.

"Why?"

They had come in again, and Robert finally got rid of the empty glass leaving it on a table. He looked at her, smiling, as he led her to the ballroom, unable to stop thinking about how he needed her.

"By allowing me finally to dance with my lovely wife."


	6. Chapter 6

VI

"_I just got lost  
Every river that I tried to cross  
Every door I ever tried was locked  
Oh and I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off_

Lost – Coldplay"

That night, while they were coming back home, Robert was grateful for Cora having fast asleep beside him. He had drunk too much and was too confused for any type of conversation.

While he looked through the car window, fragments from that night came into his mind. The memory of Elizabeth still chasing him, painfully, dangerously. He had felt more at ease after they had talked, as if some of the pressure he felt in his chest had been removed. But he still felt the weight in his soul for what was not said between them, and probably never would.

* * *

_Robert had come to look forward to every event in that season where he could be with Elizabeth. And he tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, not to raise any suspicion, nor from their parents, nor even from James and Rosamund._

_He still did not quite understand the nature of his feelings for Elizabeth. He just knew that something had changed inside him since the night of the ball in Haxby._

_And he knew he always wanted to be near her. He longed for every smile and every sweet look that always made him breathless. He longed for each dance, just to be able to feel the warmth of her hand in his. Maybe he was in love with her. But he could not tell for sure. He had never been in love with anyone before. But he also had never felt for anyone what he felt for her._

_However, he needed to be sure of his feelings before start wooing her. There was a great deal at stake and he couldn't risk everything for an infatuation. There were James' friendship, their families' expectations, and there were also Elizabeth herself. He also was not sure about what she felt. He feared misinterpret her feelings, and lose everything by it. And he wouldn't bear to lose her friendship._

_If he wanted to change the relationship between them, he needed to be sure of what he was doing. Because from the moment it began, there was only a single end accepted by their families. And he would never forgive himself if he would cause some kind of sorrow or embarrassment to any of them, especially to Elizabeth._

_So he tried acting unobtrusively, creating occasions when they could be together without raising any suspicions. Then he always dragged Rosamund with him when he went to the Dunnington House, ensuring that his sister and James was distracted by some of their debates and not paid much attention to them. And so he always had come to request to Elizabeth the dances that preceded the orchestra's breaks, which meant that he could ask her for a stroll in the gardens during the break._

_And it was in an evening, almost at the end of the season, while they were walking through the gardens, that he had had the sure he needed._

_They had passed by James and Rosamund, who were talking with some acquaintances, on their way to the garden. But Robert had not heard the little chat between the two of them while Rosamund watched him and Elizabeth move away._

_"He thinks he is always so smooth," she said quietly to James, who looked at her blankly._

_"Who?"_

_"Robert." She whispered._

_"What are you talking about, Rosamund?" James looked at her still without realizing what she was talking about._

_"Oh, never mind," she said turning her attention back to their friends, and James had shrugged._

_Elizabeth walked beside him, her hand placed on his arm. He could not say exactly how they got on that, but they were talking about Paris. Robert watched, delighted, the way her face lit up and the lovely smile dancing in her lips as she described the city, her favorite places, her findings on the last trip she had made with her __aunt._

_"But I have a confession to make," she told him, a coy smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes._

_"A confession?" He repeated, with a silly grin on his face, without removing his eyes from her._

_"Everything would just be better if you were there," she told him softly, her eyes fixed on his, and Robert felt his heart beat faster in his chest._

_"How I want to kiss her right now," he thought, while struggling to keep a minimum of self-control._

_"Maybe you should then..." Her gentle voice had caught him by surprise, and he flinched. Immediately he felt the heat spread out the collar of his shirt to his neck and faces. He was so embarrassed that he could not even look at her. Then he closed his eyes tightly, hoping that it had not happened._

_"Good Lord, I didn't ... I just said it out loud ... didn't I?" He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, completely ashamed._

_"Yes, you did," she smiled slightly, watching him become crimson red before her eyes._

_Robert felt the heat rising even more in his cheeks, as if he might explode right there. And maybe it was not so bad, so it could wipe out his pathetic existence from Earth._

_"Elizabeth ... please excuse me. I did not mean ... " He stammered._

_"You didn't?" She seemed a little disappointed, and he did not know how to get out of that situation in a posh way._

_"I mean ... I wanted... I mean... I... " Things were not getting better, he thought while taking a deep breath. "Excuse me, please." He finally managed to control himself enough to tell her._

_"Do not apologize," she told him, and he saw her cheeks blush when she added, in a low voice. "Only if you do not kiss me."_

_Then, looking into her eyes, he suddenly has regained his confidence. He slowly approached her, and took her hand in his. And leaning slightly to her, he pressed his lips to hers in a soft and long kiss. And what he had felt at that moment, he had never felt before. And what he saw in her eyes was indescribably beautiful, and he felt his heart pounding inside his chest. And then, lastly, he was sure. Of everything._

* * *

Dinner that night was out to perfection. After so many years, if there was one thing Cora could be proud, it was that her staff and her family knew how to entertain their guests at Downton. As that was the first dinner they gave in a long time, she had taken extra precautions, especially to be sure that there was nothing that could affect Mary.

They all had been delighted with the presence of Elizabeth and her two sons. Even Rose had restrained her enthusiasm by the young Earl, and had behaved as she was expected. Well, with a few minor exceptions, that Cora relented only because she knew the girl's outgoing personality.

Everything had gone well, except for Robert's oblivious and a little peculiar behavior. He had been acting strangely lately, but she hoped that with guests at home, he could at least be more enjoyable.

She could be wrong, but she thought he had not exchanged a single word with Elizabeth all night long. She had seen Robert spend most of the time talking to the two young men. He had bypassed in a humorous way, when early in the night, Violet had been struck by the resemblance between the young Count and the late Elizabeth's brother, had said the she seemed to be in front of James Dunnington risen. But apart from that, he did not seem very at ease.

Considering that he and Elizabeth were childhood friends, this was very strange. Maybe they do not like each other at all. Or maybe something had happened at Stratford's ball to make him behave that way. Well, she really did not know.

On her side, Cora had amused herself talking with Rosamund and Elizabeth, who had seemed to her a perfectly pleasant person. She had also been well impressed with the two young men, whom she had found intelligent and humorous.

She thought about talking to Robert about his behavior, when later they had gone to bed. But she was not sure how to approach the subject with him, thinking that might touch on some sensitive point. Besides, she was not sure if it had just been a false impression of her. But Robert had made things easier. He had lain on the bed beside her, kissed her face and turned quickly to the other side to sleep without giving her any chances to say anything more than a simple good night.


	7. Chapter 7

VII

"_Give a little time to me, or burn this out,__  
__We'll play hide and seek, to turn this around,__  
__All I want is the taste that your lips allow"_

_Ed Sheeran – Give Me Love_

They had gone to London a few days later, taking Mary, Tom and babies with them. Cora had managed to convince everyone that it would be better for them spending some time in London during the season, even with Robert disagreement, who was afraid to expose Mary to situations for which she wasn't ready yet.

Mary seemed to be recovering bit by bit, and sometimes even enjoying herself. And Cora and Robert saw with good eyes Lord Gilligham's subtle interest in their eldest daughter. Fortunately, Lord Gilligham seemed to be a sensitive man, and was being, mainly, a good friend to Mary.

Robert on the other hand seemed ever more distant, Causing Cora sometimes felt as if they had gone back in time to the early months of their marriage, when Robert was always kind and thoughtful, but was always reticent.

After having attended several dinners and balls, in which he always ended up bumping into Elizabeth, Robert decided to stay at home that evening. Nothing and no one would convince him to go out, not even his wife's disappointed look. Meeting Elizabeth so often has not helped anything. But that was something he couldn't explain to Cora.

Their daughters, Rose and his son in law had not shared the same decision from him, and had gone out, leaving them alone. So dinner should be served for only two that evening.

* * *

_"You did what? Your foolish young man! "The raspy voice of his mother left no doubt how much she had disapproved his attitude, and he could not fully understand why. He felt his whole self-confidence be destroyed quickly, with those few words. He looked at Rosamund, looking for help, but she seemed as surprised as their parents with he had just said to them._

_"How did you dare ask Elizabeth Dunnington in marriage without our approval?" Violet continued, her exasperated expression only worsening Robert's confusion._

_"When did you do it, Robert?" Lord Grantham looked at his son severely, and there was no trace of emotion that could give Robert some clue of what his father was really thinking._

_"A little over a month ago. One day before..." Robert took a deep breath. It was still too painful thinking about his friend. "...Before James' accident. When it happened, well, we ... we were so devastated that made no sense to tell anyone. So we decided it was best to wait things become better. After that, I will ask for yours and Lord Dunnington's consent."_

_Robert had decided to tell them this morning, after his father had told him about the Lord Dunnington's failure and Haxby's sale. Elizabeth's family had gone to Italy a few weeks ago, hoping that spending some time away from Haxby could help them recover from the terrible James' loss. Now, with the Haxby's sale, they probably would not be back anytime soon. He had already enough suffering for being away from Elizabeth, and now the facts had changed everything. There seemed to make no more sense to keep it hidden from everyone. He would tell his family and then leave for Italy, to speak with Lord Dunnington. And then they could wait how long it would be necessary until everyone was feeling better to start planning the wedding preparations and settle the date. He knew his parents would not approve the fact that he kept everything hidden, but thought they would understand, given the way everything had happened. But he'd never anticipated that kind of response from them._

_"Please leave us alone. I need to talk to Robert in private." Lord Grantham's face was grave, and he exchanged a look with his wife. Violet opened her mouth to say something, but given up, and with an incredulous look at Robert marched out of the library, followed by a flabbergasted Rosamund._

_Robert watched them leave, and then turned his eyes to his father, feeling completely ill at ease._

_"Papa, I thought..."_

_"Robert," he interrupted him, "please sit down. First of all, there are some things you need to know about Downton."_

_And then his father had told him that they were running out of money, they ran the risk of losing Downton. If they do not find a way out, within two years at most, they would be completely bankrupt. Just as Lord Dunnington. And they would be forced to leave their house, they would have to leave Downton Abbey._

_Robert was too shocked by what he had just heard. His father remained silent for a long time, letting Robert absorb it altogether. But he still had more to tell him._

_"After considering all the possibilities, son, I only see one way we could save Downton." His father seemed to hesitate for a moment, as if what he had to say was painful for him. "You must marry an heiress."_

_The shock of Robert only increased, and he stood up, feeling insulted. He would marry for sure, but with Elizabeth, and no one else. He did not care whether or not she was an heiress. What his father was asking him was inadmissible._

_"You cannot ask me to sacrifice my happiness to hide your failure!" Robert told him, his voice rough, words tossed on his father angrily._

_But Lord Grantham had not moved a muscle, his expression impassive. His voice was cold when he spoke again, harshly, calling him on his responsibility as the heir, telling him that the survival of the state was above any vanity or passion. They were responsible for the farmers, the employees, the residents and their own family. And they could not in any way let them down._

_"I will not give up Elizabeth." Robert raised his voice, unable to control his emotions, his eyes red, his body trembling slightly._

_"Robert, you can't risk everything for a frivolous infatuation. Soon you will forget her", he said to him harshly, but without raising his voice. _

_Robert clenched his fists, feeling his fingernails into the palms of his hands. He closed his eyes. What he felt for Elizabeth was not a frivolous infatuation._

_"I will not forget Elizabeth, Papa, because I love her. And I will marry her." He turned his back to his father, trying to calm down. "I'll go to Italy as soon as possible."_

_"Robert, I forbid you!" Words were hard and hurting Robert's ears and heart. He looked at his father with a bitter smile. He thought of all people, his father would understand what he felt for Elizabeth. But he was wrong._

_"I will marry her, with or without your consent."_

_Robert turned on his heels and rushed out of the library, almost bumping into his mother, who had been standing behind the door all the time, listening to their conversation. He looked at her without saying anything, his face flushed with wrath, his eyes filled with tears, and walked away quickly climbing the stairs to his room._

_Violet walked into the library to find her husband shaken, sitting on the couch. She sat down beside him and held his hand with affection, and felt that he was trembling._

_"It tears me apart doing this with him, Violet." Lord Grantham said in a low voice._

_"I know, dear," she looked at him, without finding words to comfort him. But we have no choice, do we? "_

_"I'm afraid not."_

_There was a long silence between them before Violet could speak again. "Will you stop him from going to Italy?"_

_Lord Grantham took a deep breath. He doubted he could hold him back from going after Elizabeth. He could not keep him in Downton against his will. But he suddenly knew what he should do._

_"No, I can't stop him. But I will send Richard a telegram explaining everything. He'll do the right thing."_

_"Do you think Richard will be against this marriage too?"_

_He shook his head slowly, affirmatively. "Richard knows our financial condition as well as I knew his. And he knows how is to lose a home." Lord Graham looked at his wife, and she recognized the sadness in his eyes. "He will agree that prevent this marriage is the best thing to do. Richard knows that, after all, the only chance of his daughters have now is making a good marriage." He paused before continuing. "And he would not want one of his daughters marrying the son of a broken Earl. Not even one who is a great friend."_

_Rosamund had heard enough from his father and brother conversation to be completely traumatized. When her mother walked into the library, she left her hiding place and held her mother's old position, leaning her ear to the library's door. And now she felt mortified at what she had heard. It was all too much for her, and she didn't know what to think._

_She was startled when her father opened the door surprising her standing there. There was a coldness in his eyes when he spoke._

_"How much did you hear?" He asked her sharply._

_"Enough," she said in a small voice, her frightened eyes staring at his father._

_"Then you know you must keep silent," he told her, giving her his back and leaving her there, still numbed with everything she had heard._

* * *

Cora had joined him in the drawing-room, just before dinner. He had spent most of the day in the library, hiding from everyone, trying to read a book without much success. He had moved to the drawing-room in the middle of the afternoon, thinking that a change of airs would help him in his reading.

From the corner of his eye, he saw her come in and sit on the settee exactly in front of him, but he tried to keep focused on his book. He had already lost count of how many times, in the last hour, he had had to reread the same passages, due to his errant thoughts. But he was persistent, and he would finish that damned chapter.

After some time, Robert finally realized Cora's silence, and felt her eyes fixed upon him. That was not helping at all his readings efforts. He placed the book in his lap and looked at her. Cora raised her eyebrows, silently inquiring him, and he looked at her blankly.

"Did not you hear the dressing gong?"

Robert thought about it for a second. He had not heard it. He pulled his watch from his waistcoat pocket and startled to see what time it was.

"No," he told her saving the watch back in his pocket and standing up. Then he looked at her again. "Looks like you didn't hear it either." He sat down again on the sofa, under Cora's curious gaze.

"And you will not go to change for dinner?" She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Since will we be just the two of us for dinner, maybe we can make an exception, just today?" He said, forcing a smile.

Cora crossed his arms in front of her chest and looked at him with a serious expression on her face. Despite this, her voice was soft and gentle when she spoke.

"You didn't accept my invitation to walk in the morning, refused to accompany us to the tea house in the afternoon, and then decided not to go to the ball this evening. The only thing that is left now is to have a proper dinner. And I definitely want you dressed appropriately for this, Robert Crawley."

Robert raised his eyebrows, a little surprised. Hearing his wife call him by his full name was not a good thing. Never really was. He opened his mouth to protest, but was held back by her gaze and he shut his mouth once more. Since she said nothing, he tried once more.

"Then I have no choice?" He asked her, risking a conciliatory smile.

"You already made too many choices for today, Robert." Her face's expression softened and he thought he saw a good humored glint in her eyes. But he decided not to push his luck any further. She was still standing in front of him with his arms crossed, waiting for him to stand up. And he was in no mood to buy any argument, even more for so little. Although he couldn't admit it aloud, but she was probably right, they deserved to have a nice dinner after all.

So, giving up, he sighed and stood up. He left the book on the chair and walked past her, watching her from the corner of his eyes. When he turned his back to her, Cora rolled her eyes and shook her head, following him through the door. "Well, so far so good," she thought, a small smile on her lips.

The decision to stay at home that evening was his, but maybe it had been for the good. With everyone out, they could enjoy spending time in each other's company without worrying about anyone else. And she was really ready to make that time was as enjoyable as possible.

* * *

Later, she heard the knock on his dressing room's door. She dismissed Edna with a smile, and sat on her dresser as she adjusted the pins from her hair to her own way.

"Come in," she said at the same time that Robert entered the room, still in time to see Edna leaving.

She saw through the mirror, his eyes soften when he looked at her. She had chosen a new night dress, black and gray, with an intricate embroidered with pearls in the chest, sleeveless, which left her delicate arms exposed. She had reserved it for a special occasion. And she had decided that tonight would be special.

She put on her gloves slowly, feeling Robert's eyes upon her, and then turned in her chair, facing him. She smiled back at him and stood up. He studied her in silence, his eyes moving up and down along her figure, as if absorbing every detail of her.

"You look beautiful," he murmured, and Cora walked towards the door past him, intentionally very close, enough to brush gently along his arm, and touch his hand with the tips of her gloved fingers.

She opened the door and turned to look at him, who was still standing in the same spot, just watching her, a glint in his eyes.

"Shall we?" She asked him with a grin. And Robert just nodded slowly walking over to her.

He closed the door behind him, and held out his arm for her to hold, with a smile. Cora admired for a few seconds the beauty and intensity of those blue eyes that were still able to take her breath away. After holding his arm, they went down the stairs slowly.

Since being only the two of them, they went straight to the dining room where Carson was already waiting for them. She flirted openly with Robert during dinner, even as she told him the day's events he had lost. And she knew just by the intensity of his gaze that she was getting the desired impression upon him.

After dinner they went to the drawing-room, where she had asked Carson to leave a bottle of champagne, instead of his usual brandy. Robert poured two flutes, handing one to her with a charming smile.

Recent events had not left them much time for romance. And she had missed so much that look and that smile that always had made her feel like the most special of the women. He sat down on the couch next to her, covering her hand with his, gently, his eyes locked on hers. And Cora tilted her head slightly, smiling at him before drinking a sip of chilled champagne.

They hadn't abandoned completely their usual night (or early morning) encounters, but it had happened much less frequent lately. And there was little room for romance, since she was always very tired or too much concerned. It had become an almost mechanical thing, mostly to fulfill their physical needs and desires. But they both know they needed so much more than that.

She felt his eyes sliding on her face, in a silent caress, and he leaned toward her slowly, placing a soft kiss on her cheek and then kissing her lips, warmly. There was a gentle smile on her lips when they moved apart.

"After all," he told her softly, "have stayed home this evening doesn't it seem more to be a bad idea, does it?"

"Absolutely not."

Robert nodded with a smile, touching her face gently.

"I dismissed Bates and Edna earlier tonight," she said softly as she sipped her champagne. Robert looked at her, momentarily confused.

"Did you dismiss my valet?" He repeated, still not understanding why she had done it.

He could not possibly be serious. She searched his face for some sign that he was teasing her. One arched eyebrow, a narrowed eye, or that almost imperceptible smile that used to form in the corner of his lips in moments like those. But there was nothing there. He was very serious. _"Thirty years of marriage and there were still times when Robert did not seem to be able doing the math,"_ she thought. But maybe it was her fault. She had relegated him to the background for so long that he probably would not be expecting it. So maybe she should try a more direct approach.

She touched his face gently, letting his fingers slide down through his cheek, tracing the outline of his lower lip with her finger. She approached him, leaving a tiny space between their faces, whispering into his lips, "I thought maybe you would prefer another person to help you to undress." She saw his eyes lighting up, and Robert reached out to hold her waist, but she escaped from his grasp and walked to the door, turning to him with a teasing smile.

This time nothing needed to be said. Robert took two steps toward her, but suddenly turned back to pick up the two flutes and the bottle of champagne. He walked to the door and held it with one foot, preventing her from to open it. And then he leaned toward her, his lips seeking desperately for her. But Robert was at a disadvantage, with both hands full, and she again escaped him, tilting her head, still smiling.

"Please, don't do this to me," he said in a whisper, the glare of his eyes seeming to increase with his desire.

Cora then puts her arms around his neck, and brushed her lips against his, biting his lower lip slightly, provocatively. He took another step toward her, trapping her between him and the door. And when he pressed his lips to hers, she felt his tongue asking for passage and opened her lips to him, as he increased the intensity of the kiss.

After a moment, she pulled away from him, attempting to catch her breath. She then slid to the side, opening the door and he followed her upstairs to her room, shutting the door behind him with his foot.

* * *

He quickly got rid of the bottle and the glasses, putting them on the bedside table, and then turned his eyes back to her.

Robert walked toward Cora, pulling her close to him by her waist, gently but firmly. He did not want to give her any chances to escape from his grasp again, for more exciting that little game had been. He pressed his body to hers, kissing her, tasting her lips, his hands sliding down her body gently, as he felt increasing the intensity of their kiss. His fingers slid down her back searching for her dress' buttons, which he hastily unbuttoned. His lips moved apart and he could see his own desire reflected in her eyes as she got rid of his jacket and undone his waistcoat buttons.

She helped him with the cufflinks and tie, and he again pulled her to him, his lips and tongue sliding down her neck, his hand reaching for her naked back, and he felt her shiver slightly when his tongue touched her earlobe.

Cora began to unbutton his shirt, and then, with an abrupt gesture opened it at once, and Robert saw the buttons spread across the room's floor. She looked at him with a provocative expression on her face, her eyes gleaming. And he felt his desire for her increasing, as she slid her hands inside his open shirt, caressing his shoulders and his bare chest, the warmth of her hands burning his skin.

He helped her undress her night dress and her corset and got rid of his shirt, lifting her in his arms. He carried her to the bed, placing her gently, covering her body with his. He traced a trail with his lips running through her neck to her breasts, making her moan softly as he explored her nipple with his tongue.

The last pieces of clothing were hastily withdrawn between caresses and ever more ardent kisses. He felt the warmth and softness of her skin against his, felt her whole body reacting to his touches, increasingly more and more his desire for her to the point of having to make a big effort not to lose the little self-control he still held.

Then he lifted his head enough to look into her eyes, before penetrating her, and there was in them a silent and desperate plea.

Later that night, as she lay in his arms, her head resting on his chest, he could hear her soft and rhythmic breathing. His his hand gently glided up and down through her back, feeling the warmth of her body next to him, her legs entwined with his. And there, while holding in his arms the woman he loved, feeling how much his heart belonged to her, Robert cannot stop thinking about how, despite everything, life was still able to give him so perfect moments like that.


	8. Chapter 8

**It took me several days to finish this one, and it was longer than i intend, but I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**There will be probably more 2 or 3 chapters to finish.**

* * *

**VIII**

_But I set fire to the rain_

_Watched it pour as I touched your face_

_Let it burn while I cry_

_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name_

_Adele – Set fire to the rain_

When she opened her eyes the next morning, she was surprised not to see him beside her in bed. Perhaps he had already come down to his breakfast and she had overslept, she thought yawning. She stretched her arms upward, thinking it still seemed to be early in the morning judging the sun's position in her bedroom window. Then she sat on the bed just realizing he was next to her on his knees on the floor, seeming to look for something under their bed.

"Robert? Is there something wrong?"

He raised his head, with a coy grin, to look at her.

"I'm looking for my shirt buttons..." he told her, proceeding with his search.

Cora let out a loud giggle. After so many years her so completely English husband still had concerns of what the servants would might think.

"I'm sure Bates will understand," she said, trying not to laugh anymore.

"I'm not worried with Bates," he finally stood up, frowning, still searching the floor with his eyes while standing beside her, "but with the maids."

"Don't be silly, darling," she reached her arms for him, and Robert sat down beside her on the bed, holding her hands. "You know very well that the maids have already found far more curious things in this room than buttons scattered on the floor," she said, with a mischievous look on his face.

"I know," he said blushing slightly," and I'm embarrassed just thinking about that."

She laughed at him, and touched his face lovingly. Robert covered her hand with his and then took it to his lips, kissing it warmly.

"But, if I can remember well," she told him with a mischievous glint in her eyes, "you didn't seem at all embarrassed last night."

He just stood there, nodding and grinning. "And for that, the merit was entirely yours, my dear."

* * *

Finally he seemed to be leaving behind part of his gloom and distant behavior and Cora felt more relieved. Little by little things seemed to get back to normal. Or at least as normal as possible, after all.

At the ball that evening she watched with concealed satisfaction that Mary seemed to be enjoying herself. Which made her more relaxed, so she also could enjoy her friends and have some fun. While talking to Rosamund and Lady Albernale she searched with her eyes for Robert, and found him in animated conversation with Lord Stratford and Sir Charles Berkeley. She watched him for a few seconds, and could see the subtle effect of alcohol on him. There was nothing to worry about or which could draw others attention, but thirty years beside him made her notice these small details that went totally unnoticed to others.

She watched the other two men openly laughing at something Robert had told them, and smiled to herself. Robert was not known for his talent in telling jokes. Actually it was just the opposite. But it was good to see him also enjoying himself.

They had had a little argument in the afternoon, nothing serious. Mary had decided to return to Downton Abbey for a few days, and Cora had convinced him that they should go with her. With the whole family in London, could be a bad idea to let her alone in Downton. But it was not the fact of going back home in the middle of the season that had made him unhappy, but Cora's plans to spend just a few days and then come back to London again. And he did not seem willing to come back to London once he was home again.

Then she had left it away, to not ruin the period of peace they were enduring. But she still wanted to talk to him again about it, probably during the days they were in Downton.

* * *

Despite the small argument they had had earlier, Robert was feeling particularly at ease that night. A few days away from the bustle of the dinners and parties had allowed him to put a little order in his thoughts. Not that everything had been solved, it was not so simple. But he felt less anxious and nervous in Elizabeth's presence. And he thought he already had a better control of his feelings, whatever it might be.

However, he couldn't deny that his eyes had searched for her a few times that night. He also couldn't deny that he had felt awkward in the few times that their eyes met. She still was affecting him.

Elizabeth had joined them, brought back from the ballroom by Lord Henry Hartwood's arm. He felt the tension in his shoulder muscles when she had smiled, though he knew that the smile wasn't for him. Instead, he could see that she tried to avoid looking straight at him.

Except for Sir Charles, the other four were old friends, making Henry and Lord Stratford began to reminisce singular events of their youth they had shared. Robert only listened, smiling occasionally as he drank his Scotch. Shortly later, Sir Charles had apologized and left them, probably because he could not actively take part in the conversation, as was his preference.

And then, at the first strains of a waltz, he had suddenly seen him alone with Elizabeth. Both Henry and Stratford had gone in search of their dance partners, leaving him and Elizabeth alone, in the most awkward of the situations. He searched with his eyes for someone for help, but he didn't find anyone who could soften the situation of uneasiness.

Elizabeth bowed her head slightly to him and with an apology, turned away. But before she left, following an impulse, he stopped her gently with a soft touch on her arm.

"I... I suppose you still like waltzes," he finally said, reaching out his hand to her, feeling his throat suddenly dry. Elizabeth hesitated for a long moment before taking his hand, allowing him to lead her to the ballroom.

Robert then conducted her elegantly through the ballroom, struggling to not get disturbed by the warmth of her hand in his, by her sweet scent or by the proximity between them.

Unlike what happened so many times in the past, her gaze not sought his, and her eyes seemed fixed on some point over his shoulder. And in some way, Robert was grateful for that, because he wasn't so strong.

Then she tilted her head slightly, and their eyes met. Light blue against dark brown. And for a brief moment he held her gaze until she abruptly pulled away from his arms, walking away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the ballroom. Robert took only a second to recover, going after her but was stopped midway by Rosamund, who grabbed his arm.

"Stay here," Rosamund said to him in a low voice, scanning the room with her eyes and realizing that fortunately no one seemed to have noticed what had happened. She just failed to find Cora. "I'm going after her." He nodded in agreement silently and watched Rosamund disappear through the balcony door.

* * *

Cora was searching for Robert when she spotted him dancing with Elizabeth. She had gone out to the garden with Lady Albernale looking for some fresh air, and came back when she heard the strains of the waltz, but it seemed she had arrived too late.

It was not uncommon that both she and Robert danced with other people at parties like this. But she couldn't deny she had felt a pang of jealousy when she had seen him dancing with Elizabeth. Perhaps it was the knowledge that they shared childhood and youth memories, a part of his life, she still knew so little about.

Then, Cora had witnessed something very odd. She saw Elizabeth just leave Robert alone in the ballroom, in the middle of the waltz. That was very disturbing and she had no idea of what could have happened to Elizabeth act like that.

But she never had time to think about because Rose came to her with a worried expression on her face. Mary didn't seem to be feeling well. She then followed Rose, and meeting Robert halfway, had brought him with them.

They found Mary a little pale, drinking water, accompanied by Lord Guilligham and Lady Albernale. After that, they decided it was best to go home, so that Mary could rest.

Once returned, Robert called a doctor, despite Mary's protests, who said she had already recovered. The doctor examined her and found that Lady Mary had a simple indisposition without any further consequences, but only recommending her to take some rest.

* * *

Following doctor's recommendations, they had postponed their travel plans, and would stay one more day in London before returning to Downton.

Even after knowing that Mary was well, Robert had barely able to sleep. He was worried about Elizabeth, not knowing if she was alright, and without at least understand why she ran away. Perhaps he had offended her in some way, even though he couldn't suspected how. Or maybe... Maybe she felt exactly like him.

Robert closed his eyes for a moment, trying to clear his mind of that thought. Was already hard enough having to deal with his own feelings, and believing that she could feel the same way about him, it was too painful.

He heard Cora's footsteps approaching and opened his eyes to see her walking toward him, with a serious face.

They had argued again in the morning, just after breakfast, when she had insisted that they should come back to London after a few days. And what had started as a conversation, had ended as a heated argument between them, mostly due to his altered state of mind. Robert couldn't say how they had achieved that point for something that didn't even matter that much. But he knew he had gone too far being too rough with her. And the result of all that was now in front of him, in his wife's sully face and angry eyes.

"The girls and I were going out," she declared, and he simply nodded. " I believe you would not want to join us, would you?"

The tone of her voice left no doubt that the last thing she wanted was his company now, mostly for his relief. Even if they had not argued, he knew he would not be good company for anyone today. Robert said nothing, just held her gaze, trying to look as unflappable as possible.

"That's what I thought," she told him, turning on her heels and marching out of the library, passing beside Mary who had come in time to hear part of what her mother had said.

Mary watched her mother and then looked back at him. Robert tried to grin at her, but he knew by the look on his daughter he had failed miserably.

"Please, don't say anything," Robert said to her, frowning and nodding dissatisfied with himself. She approached him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I won't," Mary said to him with a grin, walking back to the door, where she stopped and turned again. "It is you who must say something. To Mama. And quickly."

Mary did not give him time to answer, leaving Robert there alone, thinking that suddenly all the women in his life seemed to have turned against him. Mary had always been like that since she was a little girl. She always found a way to tell him what she thought, even on issues that didn't concern her. And not always what she had to tell had pleased him, but he always had admired her bravery. At least she was not like Rosamund, whose sincerity was almost suicidal.

What did remember him how much he needed to talk to Rosamund.

* * *

Rosamund received him in the drawing-room, and he didn't have to say a word to let her know what had brought him there. Likewise he knew just by the look in her eyes that Rosamund did not approve of the way he was acting.

"She is fine, Robert." Rosamund told him, making a gesture with her hand to him sit down.

He seemed to be relieved by her words, but didn't sit.

"And what did she tell you?"

"She felt dizzy and need to get out for a breath of air." Rosamund looked at him, trying to look as natural as possible, but failing shamefully.

"She did not need to act like that. I could have gone with her to the garden."

Rosamund looked at him while thinking what to say to her brother. In fact, Elizabeth hadn't told much to her, when she had reached her. There were tears in her eyes, which she attempted to hide when she had seen Rosamund. About that, Rosamund was sure. And she had realized in the expression on Elizabeth's face that maybe she was as distraught with that reunion as Robert himself. But she knew she couldn't say any of that to him. Not without the risk of causing an irreparable damage. And she had already carried too much guilt for his brother's unhappiness in the past, to make the same mistakes again.

"What would be completely inappropriate, Robert," she finally replied. Robert did not argue against it, probably Rosamund was right. "And it was just that? She said nothing ... nothing more?" He asked, finally sitting on the couch beside her.

"I offered to find someone to help her, maybe one of her sons, but she declined. So we stood there talking about the party and her return to Haxby, until she felt better."

Rosamund looked at him for a long moment. She dismissed the footman after he had served them tea, staying alone with Robert again. Incredibly they had had no opportunity to talk alone, since everything happened. He had avoided her while she had been at Downton, and after a while, she just gave up fearing raising Cora's suspicions. But now they were finally alone, and that would be possibly the best chance she would have to talk to him and try to call him back to the reason before he could do something stupid.

"Robert," she had said when they were finally alone. "I realized how much you were disturbed by Elizabeth's return. And I can't imagine how you're feeling. But you must remember that your choices could make many suffer."

He smirked, looking at her seeming suddenly bitter. And Rosamund felt again the blame for the decisions she had made in the past, again felt the weight on her shoulders when she realized the look of pain in his eyes.

"None of you thought about how Elizabeth and I would actually suffer when you made your choices in the past," he said finally with an accusatory tone in his voice, harshly.

"What do you mean by this, Robert?" She asked him, without fully understand what he just had said, an alarm ringing inside her head.

"You know very well what I'm talking about, Rosamund." He looked at her with an angry look.

But they had no time for anything else. Rosamund's butler had entered the room announcing the arrival of Cora and his daughters. And Robert turned his back to his sister, trying to collect himself. Rosamund hastened to receive them in the foyer, giving some extra time for Robert, before bringing them to join him in the drawing-room.

* * *

_The train journey to Italy had been a nightmare. He had been unable to sleep, read or do anything but think of all that his father had told him days before, and how his relationship with his parents had been shaken._

_In all his lifetime, Robert had never challenged them. He had left three days after that horrible talk with his father, and during those days Robert had tried to avoid his parents as much as possible. And yet, whenever they had met, they had come to argue fiercely, and harsh words had been spoken from both sides. Words those who had left their marks on Robert._

_Robert could understand very well what was at stake, because he loved Downton as much as his father. But he also loved Elizabeth, more than anything. Moreover, he tried to hold in the hope that he could find a way to save them from bankruptcy. They still have almost two years, and it was enough time for Robert to find a solution. Although now he didn't have the slightest idea what it could be._

_Before traveling, Robert had sent to Elizabeth a telegram, telling her of his arrival. Then he was a little surprised by the fact that there was no one waiting for him at the train station, but he chose not to give much importance to it. He quickly found a carriage that could lead him to the address Elizabeth had given him before she and her family departed for Italy._

_His Italian was poorly, and so it took longer than he'd like to come to terms with the conductor about the cost of the trip and his destination. He was left in front of a house with a beautiful facade and a small and cozy garden at the front. Robert walked up the steps finally feeling a sense of relief._

_Shortly he would be with Elizabeth, and they could finally tell everyone. And as soon as Lord Dunnington gave them his consent, all the pain and confusion he had lived in recent days would finally end._

_He was greeted by the butler, and identified himself. The man picked up his hat, gloves and suitcase, asking him to wait in the foyer, as he would advise the family of his arrival._

_The house was silent, but he could not expect anything different after the tragedy that had befallen this family. Robert took a deep breath, trying to clear his mind of all dark thoughts. He needed to find the minimum amount of strength that could bring those people some comfort._

_The butler took a long time to return, but finally asked Robert to accompany him to the library where he would be received by Lord Dunnington._

_Robert was disappointed when he went into the library and found only Lord Dunnington waiting for him. Perhaps Elizabeth, her mother and her sisters would come to join them in a while. And he took the serious expression on Lord Dunnington's face only as a sign of grief for his son and home._

_After a few minutes talking about how was his trip, Robert finally asked about Elizabeth, and Lord Dunnington told him that she had gone for a walk with her mother and sisters. That made Robert feel slightly baffled, after all he hoped she was as eager to see him as he was to see her._

_Robert then decided to seize the moment and reveal his intentions to Lord Dunnington at once. He could not wait anymore and that was the main reason for his trip anyway._

_Lord Dunnington listened to him cautiously, his face expressionless, while Robert declared his love for Elizabeth and asked for his consent for him to marry her. There was a long, awkward silence between them, and Robert tried to control his anxiety while waiting for Lord Dunnington's answer._

_"I am very honored by your words, Lord Downton," Lord Dunnington paused looking at him before proceeding. "But I fear that my daughter does not feel the same for you."_

_Robert looked at him, momentarily confused, blankled. "I don't want you to take me as insolent man, sir. But I'm sure about Elizabeth's feelings, as much as I have about mine."_

_"I must say, Lord Dowton, that you must have misinterpreted her friendship for you."_

_He was not mistaken, he had the full assurance that Elizabeth loved him, not just as a friend. He had seen the love in her eyes over the past few months, he had seen it in the expression of joy on her face when he had proposed to her. Robert didn't understand why Lord Dunnington was telling him that._

_"I'm really sorry to disappoint you, my dear boy, but it is my obligation let you know that Lady Elizabeth is already engaged with another gentleman."_

_Suddenly it was as if he'd been punched in the stomach, and he looked at Lord Dunnington with a horrified expression in his eyes, feeling sick. That could not possibly be true. Definitely not. There had to be some sort of mistake._

_"Excuse me, Lord Dunnington, but I can not believe it. Must be all a misunderstood. I know..."_

_"There is no misunderstood, Lord Downton. Unfortunately." He looked at him gravely._

_"Lord Dunnington, I insist that it makes no sense. I suggest we talk with Elizabeth. I'll wait for her here. I'm sure she will clarify everything."_

_Lord Dunnington let out a long sigh, and for the first time Robert saw in the older man's face a look of consternation, as if he was struggling with a very tough decision._

_"I wanted to avoid this, Lord Downton. But maybe is the only way you will understand that you are mistaken about what are my daughter's feelings for you."_

_Lord Dunnington then rang the bell, calling the butler, and asked him to call Lady Elizabeth to come down to the library to join them. And it was before a stunned Robert that minutes later Elizabeth entered the room. Robert smiled at her, but she looked away, and his face fell._

_"Elizabeth, Lord Downton came here to declare his feelings for you and to make you a marriage proposal." Lord Dunnington's voice seemed to echo in the room. Elizabeth said nothing, and on her face was an infinite sadness._

_"I'm very honored, Lord Downton." She said, finally, in a hushed voice, in contrast to the steady voice of his father._

_"I informed him that despite his proposal had honored us very much, this is no longer possible, since you're already engaged to another gentleman. But Lord Downton insists that there must be some mistake, because you love him."_

_Robert looked at her, hoping she could finally clear everything up. But he felt the fear rising in his chest as he realized a embarrassed expression on her face._

_"I'm truly sorry, Lord Downton... but what my father told you is true. I am engaged to another gentleman,... and we'll get married as soon as possible. "_

_"You cannot marry another man! We love each other! Please, Elizabeth, tell your father that this is all a mistake, that you love me, we're getting married and we will be happy..." Robert said, his voice almost a plea, his eyes filled with tears._

_Elizabeth seemed to take a deep breath, and he could have sworn she had tears in her eyes when she finally spoke, her voice trembling slightly._

_"I'm sorry if I ever made __you think that my feelings for you were more than friendship, Lord Downton. But I hope you understand that I love someone else, and it is with him that I will marry."_

_Robert could not take his eyes off her, unable to speak any single word. It was as if suddenly someone had taken the ground from under his feet, and he saw his whole world falling apart just before his eyes. He could barely believe his ears. It was like someone else and not his beloved Elizabeth who was there before him, thrusting a knife into his chest, shamelessly._


	9. Chapter 9

IX

"_Like ships in the night, You keep passing me by  
Just wasting time, Trying to prove who's right  
And if it all goes crashing into the sea  
If it's just you and me, Trying to find the light"_

_Mat Kearney – Ships in the night  
_

They had come back to Downton that afternoon and Robert and Cora were still almost without talking to each other. Dinner had been a silent and uncomfortable affair, and the night ended with him going to sleep in his dressing room. Or at least, trying to sleep.

He was lying there for some time, trying to read a book as he waited without success for sleep to come. The image of the cold and angry look on Cora's face during dinner didn't go out of his mind. He had tried to apologize to her before they travel, but not even he knew why, they had argued again, and the situation between them had got worse.

He sat on his bed, feeling frustrated. He knew he had not been acting like himself lately. Actually, he was being a complete ass. He walked to the door that separated his dressing from Cora's bedroom. Their bedroom... Approaching his ear to the door he didn't hear a single noise. Cora must have been asleep already. He knocked softly on the door and called her name, but got no response. He sighed heavily. He needed to talk to her, he had to apologize for acting like an idiot in the last days.

He opened the door slowly, trying not to make any noise as he tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness of the room. She was lying with her back to him, maybe sleeping. He paused for a moment, but decided to go into the room, shutting the door behind him. He walked slowly towards the bed, still thinking if the best approach would be simply go under the covers beside her or wake her gently with some soft kisses.

And then he tripped on something, falling on his back on the floor with a bang, and the next image he saw was the ceiling of their bedroom.

* * *

Cora had heard the knock on the bedroom door and Robert's voice calling her, but chose to ignore him. She also heard the soft creak of the door opening and then the click when he closed it. She believed he had come back to his room when another sound had startled her. A thud of something falling on the floor and, few seconds later, a groan.

She sat up quickly in bed and lit the lamp at her side. So she saw Robert lying on his back on the floor, staring at the ceiling.

"My God, Robert!" She jumped up and went to him, kneeling beside him, completely terrified. "What happened? Are you hurt?"

"I'm not sure," he groaned, turning his head to look at her. Robert then leaned on his elbows, and carefully she helped him to sit up.

"How are you feeling?" She said, touching his face gently, concern in her eyes.

He moved his shoulders and arms, stretching the sore muscles of his back. Apparently nothing had happened, beyond the embarrassment for the fall. He searched for what caused him to stumble and saw at his side one of the shoes Cora had used earlier, at dinner. Probably he had tripped on it. But what was it doing in the middle of the room was something he couldn't understand.

He was feeling better, and except for a little pain in his back, he felt nothing. But looking at Cora and the look of pure concern on her face, he thought that maybe that ridiculous fall could serve him for something. After all, it was the first time in last days she spoke with him without being harsh.

"I don't know... My hand is hurting." He said, holding out his hand to her. She held it between hers fondly, moving each one of his fingers carefully, straining to find out if there was something more serious, and analyzing his palm and his wrist.

"You must have hit it. But it doesn't seem serious injured. Can you move your fingers?"

He tried to move his fingers, as if testing it, his eyes fixed on her face. Cora pulled his hand to her lips kissing it softly, and he was pleased with the softness and warmth of her lips on his skin. Robert struggled not to smile, but he couldn't get his eyes off her.

"Someplace else who is hurting? Can you get up?" She looked at him, frowning worriedly.

"Yes... I feel a pain... here," he pointed to his lips, and saw her eyes narrowed dangerously after a small moment of confusion.

"Oh, Robert, don't push your luck!" She said, dropping his hand and getting up quickly. So, ignoring the twinge of pain he still felt in his back, he got to his knees and held her waist gently but firmly, preventing her from moving away.

"Cora, please," he turned her so she was facing him again, and slowly stood up. "Please forgive me for being so stubborn and rude to you in the last days." Her eyes softened slightly, and he took her hands between his and kissed it warmly, his eyes fixed on hers.

"And I promise I will not argue with you about whether or not we should get back to London. If you think it is important to Mary, then we will." She finally approached him, with a small smile in the corner of her lips. "All right," she said softly, and he felt the heat of her gaze warming his heart. "But you didn't need to go down on the floor because of it."

Robert chuckled, touching her cheek softly, removing one lock of dark hair from her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck approaching from his face and leaving between them only a small space, her lips almost touching his. He smiled, moving slightly and pressed his lips against hers in a tender kiss.

Cora then stepped away from him gently and pulling him by the hand led him to their bed. Robert lay down beside her, and let out a moan of pain when stretched his body on the bed. Cora raised his eyebrows inquiringly.

"My back..." he complained, and she helped him straighten the pillows tom become more comfortable.

"I can call Dr. Clarkson."

"It is not necessary. Tomorrow I'll be better."

"Are you sure?"

"I am." He smiled at her, pulling her to him. She cuddled up next to him, her head resting on his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"But there is one thing I need to know. What was that shoe doing in the middle of the room?" He asked her, his hand sliding gently along her arm.

Cora leaned on one elbow lifting her head to look at him, a sheepish look on her face. "Well... I think you can blame me for that." Robert looked at her blankly, waiting for her to explain.

"I was so angry with you that I just put all my frustration at the poor shoe and threw it against the door," she said to him with a coy smile.

Robert giggled, feeling again the pain in the muscles of his back. "Well, perhaps that explains the noise I heard earlier, shortly after Bates had gone." He looked at her, amused. "Fortunately the door was shut," he finally said, kissing her forehead. Cora turned off the lights and cuddled up again to him. "Fortunately", she said, smiling.

* * *

Although things have eased up between them, Robert was far from behaving normally. Cora still thought he was oblivious and irritable, and she had any clue about the reasons he was so distressed. Lately, anything had become a reason for a disagreement between them, and she was frankly getting tired of this. Earlier, they had again argued by some other nonsense and he left her talking to herself in the sitting room, which had left her totally angry.

Now, as she was in the sitting room, trying to work on her embroidery, she tried to mentally recall recent events, trying to understand what was happening to him.

Robert's strange behavior had begun after... So it finally struck her, and Cora felt like she'd been punched in her stomach. She felt a lump in her throat, suddenly getting dizzy. Tears came to her eyes, all the events popping into her head as a succession of painful memories.

The odd way he had reacted when they decided to invite them to dinner… The encounter between him and Elizabeth in the garden at the Stratford's ball… His efforts to avoid Elizabeth during dinner at their house… The way his eyes always seemed to be looking for someone at parties and dinners in London… Elizabeth's strange reaction at the last ball... The furtive glances and smiles… It was all there, right before her eyes and she seemed just to have chosen to ignore.

She stood up, unable to remain seated, feeling her whole body shiver before the evidences that Robert could feel something for another woman. It simply couldn't be true. She couldn't believe that he could... He could have feelings for Elizabeth.

But it was all there, it was impossible to deny those facts. Everything had happened before her eyes while she was too busy with other things to pay attention. And she knew Robert well enough to see the way he looked at Elizabeth, the way he smiled at her... "Oh, God…", she panted, looking for something to lean on, feeling as if the room was spinning.

It was as if suddenly everything had simply collapsed over her head, and she felt completely overwhelmed by that painful discovery. She climbed up the stairs almost running, seeking refuge in her room, tears streaming down her face freely. She couldn't let Mary see her like that and above all she didn't want to face Robert, not now. Not yet.

* * *

He met her near the luncheon in their bedroom. She was packing for London. They would take the train in the afternoon, and there was still time for him and Bates to pack his things.

When she looked at him, Robert could tell she had been crying. What made him feel even worse. He wanted to talk to her earlier, apologizing again. It seemed that lately this had become a sad routine, engage in some silly argument with her, act like an idiot and then apologize to her.

She dismissed Edna and they were finally alone. Robert sat on the edge of the bed next to her, but she got up and walked over to her dresser, staying silent for a long moment without facing him.

"Robert, I need to talk to you. But I want you to hear me until the end without interrupting me. Because, otherwise I don't know if I can do this."

There was a look of pain in her eyes when she turned to him, leaving Robert completely disarmed. He knew just by the tone of her voice as the conversation was being hard on her. So he stood sitting there, looking at her, feeling his heart sink in his chest, fearing what she had to say.

"I always knew you didn't love me when we got married. But I didn't care too much, because I knew you were fond of me in your own way. And all that I wanted was to make you happy." Her voice was gentle, and she spoke slowly, as if choosing each word carefully. "In the beginning, it was harder than I thought it would be. Because, as much as I tried, I didn't know how to reach you," she looked at him for a moment, and then turned her gaze to the garden. "I always knew that something must have happened to you before we met. When you let your guard down, when you thought no one was looking, I could see a deep sadness in your eyes... And it always broke my heart... Because I didn't know how to help you... I didn't know how to heal the pain that you were trying so hard to hide from me."

Cora paused for a long time, and when she looked back at him, the sadness in her eyes broke his heart. Robert felt a lump in his throat, and struggled to control his emotions. He never thought that so early in their relationship, when they knew so little about each other, she could have realized his feelings in that way.

"Then, at the end of our first year, I realized that something had changed in you. And finally that sadness was completely gone. That's when I found out that you had fallen in love with me." The expression in her eyes softened at the memory. He stood up to walk to her, but she held up her hand, stopping him, and taking a deep breath, she continued.

"I was never worried about that, between us two, I was the one who loved most. It never really made any difference, because everything that mattered was that you loved me."

"I still love you..." he blurted out, his voice no more than a whisper.

She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on his. "I was very happy over the years only for it. Because you have loved me with your heart, your mind and soul... Although you have made a mistake..." Her voice faltered for the first time, and he realized she was struggling against her emotions. "I don't hesitate to forgive you because I knew it had been in a moment of weakness, when you had lost your way. And maybe, I had had my share of guilt... The same way you forgave me when I had dumped all my frustrations and anger over you about what happened to... our daughter." She paused a long time again, recovering from the pain of remembering Sybil.

And yet he knew that he had hurt her, he could not understand why she was going so far with that. He sat heavily on the bed again when she went on.

"It was this love that always made us find our way back to each other over the years. But now, Robert..." She had to gather the strength to go on. She fought against tears, and she didn't want to fall apart in front of him, she couldn't.

"Cora, I..." but she interrupted him again, preventing him from saying anything, raising her hand. He did not know exactly why she was telling him all that, and was completely lost, fear in his eyes.

"Please let me finish. I need to..." She took a deep breath again before proceeding. "Now, this is completely different... I've seen the way you look at her. I saw how your eyes search for her all the time. I saw the way you smile, without even realizing it, when she's around ... And I saw the way she looks at you."

She closed her eyes for a moment, and turned her back to him, trying to reorganize her thoughts and not be overwhelmed by her emotions. She needed clearness in her mind if she wanted to make him see everything. And she couldn't if she had to look at him, seeing her own confusion and pain reflected in his eyes.

Robert had finally realized what was happening and was totally mortified, her sadness and sorrow breaking his heart. He felt terribly bad for being so weak and allowed her to see the mass of feelings he was enduring.

"But this, Robert, it is something deeper, older. And I'm afraid this could be something stronger than us." He noticed the slight shiver in her shoulders, and there were tears in her eyes when she turned to him again. "I can't live like this, Robert, with a shadow between us. After living a love so intense, so absolute... I can't want anything less than you whole. Your mind, your body, your heart and soul with me." Now she struggled to control her tears, and her voice was choked when she tried to speak again.

"I need you to find out... to understand... what you really feel about her. I need you to decide... how you want to live the rest of your life, Robert. Then I will go to London, and you'll remain here. "

"You're leaving me…" his voice was little more than a whisper as he spoke.

"No," she said, closing her eyes, searching for the least self-control she still had. "I'm not that strong." She looked at him once more. "I'm simply giving you..." she nodded subtly and corrected herself, "I am just giving us the space and time we both need to fix this."

"Cora, I... We... I don't..." He couldn't even articulate a single sentence. He was too shocked to think of something coherent to say. His eyes were red and bloodshot, and he was desperately trying to hold his own tears. He could see the suffering he had caused to her, and he didn't want to crumble in front of her, because he knew that only would make things worse.

She took a deep breath and turned back to him, trying to pull herself together. "Robert, there is nothing more to be said..." She finally came near him, fighting her emotions. "I'll be at our home in London. Come see me when you know what you truly want."

He desperately wanted to tell her not to leave, tell her that it made no sense because he loved her, that Elizabeth was something that happened in his past, but he couldn't. A part of him knew she was right. Maybe it was the only way to prevent it destroying them. And then he just reached out and holding her hand tightly pulled her to him. She offered no resistance, and allowed him to hold her for a brief moment, but then put her hands on his chest pushing him gently away from her.

"I need to pack," she said, turning her face to hide the tears that began to stream down her face.

Robert nodded slowly, but stood there with tears in his eyes, unable to move. He looked at her for a long time. He knew she was crying because of the way her shoulders trembled, but he could not take a single step toward her. And then he turned around and left the bedroom, leaving her alone with her tears, unable to tell her everything that was going on within his own soul and heart.


	10. Chapter 10

**There will be two more chapter to finish. After this one, we will have only Cora and Robert, I promise.**

**Hope you'll enjoy it, and please, send me your lovely reviews.**

* * *

X

"_Regrets collect like old friends,  
Here to relive your darkest moments  
I can see no way, I can see no way  
And all of the ghouls come out to play  
And every demon wants his pound of flesh  
But I like to keep some things to myself  
I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn"_

_Florence and the machine – Shake it Out _

She didn't want him to go with them to the train station. Then he had told them goodbye in front of the house and watched the car move away until it disappeared behind the trees.

Before leaving, Mary had met him in the great hall. Robert was sure that his daughter hadn't believed Cora's explanations about his staying home, even more than Mary knew they had argued days before precisely because of this. Robert tried to smile at her, attempting to hide his agony and Mary gave him a soft look. There was affection in her voice when she finally spoke.

"Will you be fine alone, Papa?"

"With so many servants in this house, it is hard to say that I'll be alone, Mary."

"You know what I mean," she touched his arm gently, and Robert covered her hand with his, deeply moved by her concern.

"Please, don't worry about me," he approached her to kiss her on the cheek. "Go to London and have some fun."

Then Cora passed them, heading out to the car that was waiting for them in front of the house, without even looking at him. Robert took a deep breath, feeling again the whole weight of the conversation they had had earlier on his chest.

Mary raised her brows and look at him. She opened her mouth to say something but gave up, and just squeezed his hand slightly. He accompanied her to the car, to say goodbye to her and Little George, who smiled at him happily, oblivious to everything, in the arms of his nanny.

* * *

He decided to go out for a ride on that morning. After all that Cora had told him the day before, and the way she had left without even saying goodbye to him, he had barely been able to sleep last night. He had to do something or soon he would become mad in that empty house. He asked Barrow to send someone to groom his horse and soon after breakfast, he walked decided to the stables.

He kept the horse in a slow pace, not knowing which direction to go, while he thought about all that had happened. He felt immensely guilty for making her suffer. And he was hugely disappointed by not being able explaining to Cora how he felt. He couldn't forget the pain he had seen in her eyes. Again, he had let her down. Just because he was not strong enough to prevent old wounds of the past to reopen, and for some reason that he couldn't explain, he was still affected by Elizabeth. They had a painful past, in which many things remained unsettled. But he didn't expect that Cora could understand it, because he himself didn't fully understand.

Robert closed his eyes and suddenly all the anger and frustration seemed to want to take over his head, felt a pressure on his chest, making him want to yell. Then he hit his heels on the horse's hips and loosening the reins a bit, let the animal run. He felt the wind in his face, the horse running freely, the tension in his own body decreasing as the animal increased its speed. He left Downton behind and followed the old road that went through the woods, outside the property.

When he came to the crossroad, he made the horse slow down until it reached at a gentle trot. He left the road, crossing the woods and went up a small slope.

He had gone till there without even realizing it. He stood some time at the top watching the creek and the old abandoned chapel in the distance, now in ruins, but still standing after all these years. The flower field was still there, punctuated with its white and lilac flowers, by the creek.

He slowly went down the slope, crossing the creek. He got off his horse, tying the reins on the trunk of a tree and walked to the front of the chapel, looking around. He could see in the distance the woods he had just crossed, and the green fields as far as his eyes could see.

He had never come back there in all these years. That place brought him back memories of his past, a special place for him and Elizabeth, when they even hadn't an exact idea about the nature their feelings for each other. Robert took a deep breath and sat down on the steps in front of the chapel. It was ironic that even now he could feel like that.

Then he saw her, in her horse horse standing on top of the small hill, and immediately recognized the elegant silhouette of Elizabeth. She seemed to look directly to him. He watched her as she made the horse go around, moving away a few yards, and then giving up, turning around again, and rode slowly toward him. She jumped from her horse before he could help her, avoiding another embarrassing moment of closeness between them and tied her horse next to his, on the same tree. They exchanged a long and silent look, until Robert finally spoke.

"I supposed you were in London."

"I came back a few days ago. I needed to get some rest and spend some time by myself. " He shook his head slowly, his eyes fixed on the horizon.

"And you? You should also be in London enjoying the season," she told him, without looking at him.

He merely smiled and didn't answer her, choosing not to comment on his own reasons for being there.

They sat side by side on the steps in front of the chapel, and she looked around, as if she was analyzing the place. "It's still the same as I remembered it, except of course for the chapel, which seems more damaged than before." He nodded, turning to look the old building behind them. Elizabeth closed her eyes for a while and then smiled looking at him. "I can almost hear James and Rosamund bickering with each other," she said finally. They exchanged a glance and laughed.

"Well, I thought Rosamund is quite different," she said and Robert rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Don't buy her for her looks," he told her, and Elizabeth giggled. "The old sharp tongue is still very much alive," he added, chuckling. "But yes, she changed, a bit. You're right." He looked at her.

"Well, we all changed, after all," Elizabeth smiled, with an amused look. "These are the benefits of maturity."

"Except by these white hairs that stubbornly continues to show up." He ran a hand through his hair, with a smile. "I always believed that aging would be a slow and progressive process. But then one day, you look in the mirror and find out that you got old."

She laughed openly. "Don't be silly, Robert! You're not old." It was the first time she addressed him by his name since she had come back. And he had been inwardly satisfied with that.

"No?" He raised an eyebrow, an amused look on his face.

"No," she smiled back.

Robert narrowed his eyes as if doubting what she had just said and Elizabeth laughed at him. "All right, it's true that there are some white hairs that were not in there thirty years ago, but, aside from that, you still are pretty much the same."

"Or you are the most kind of the people or you have no ability to evaluate others," he said, teasing her. They laughed together when she pretended to be offended. And for the first time Robert felt that the awkwardness between them seemed have disappeared giving way to that old feeling of closeness, making once again to be very easy to talk to her.

"Did you come here alone?" He asked with a hint of concern in his eyes. She nodded her head, with a coy smile, and he grinned. "You should have asked someone to escort you."

"Well, didn't make much sense to take an escort if I wanted to be alone," she said finally.

"...So did I ruin your plans?"

"A little," she smiled. "Not too much."

"Thank you," he said with a coy grin. They continued chatting for a while in a peaceful way, enjoying each other's company, as they used to do so long time ago. So, after a long silence, in which they had been watching the horizon, he finally spoke.

"I need to apologize to you for what happened at the ball the other night." She looked at him blankly and he went on. "If I offended you in some way, if I did something that made you uncomfortable, I beg your pardon. It was never my intention."

"You did nothing wrong, Robert. There is no reason to apologize." She looked down at her hands, seeming to choose carefully her words. "I just felt a little dizzy and had to get out for a breath of air."

Robert looked at her silently for a moment. "Apparently you still try to hide the truth from me," he said, and his voice sounded more bitter and harsh than he intended. She stood up and walked a few steps away from him, remaining back to him, her shoulders trembling slightly. Immediately he regretted what he had just said.

"When I decided to come back, what I feared most was to see you again." She finally said, without looking at him. "Because I was afraid you could never forgive me after all."

Robert stood up and approached her, stopping a few steps away. "I've already forgiven you. A long time ago." There was a long silence between them, until he moved closer to her, touching her elbow gently so she turned back again to him. There was a deep sadness in her eyes when she looked at him. "It took me a long time to realize what had happened," he told her in a soft low voice. "But once I found out the truth I knew immediately that you just did what you thought it was right. And I could never blame you for that."

She lowered her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. "I knew you'd come before you had sent me that telegram about your arrival date," she said.

"My father?" Robert asked and she nodded her head, her eyes still staring at the ground.

"Your father asked for my father's help. And my father convinced me that the best I could do for you was to let you go. Because you would never be happy if you lost Downton... because of me... So I had to leave you free to marry someone who had enough money to save Downton, to save you." She finally raised her eyes to look at him, and there were tears in it. "I know how much I was cruel to you, Robert. And I'd never forgiven myself for that. I'd never forgiven myself for breaking your heart in that way."

Robert had taken a few months, after he had come back from Italy in that trip that seemed to him more a endless nightmare, to find out for himself what had happened. He didn't know all the details, but he knew that somehow, his parents had influenced Lord Dunnington and Elizabeth so they had acted that way. He had never been mistaken about what she felt for him, and he knew that, as much cruel it might seem, she had only done what she thought was the best for him.

Even after finding out the truth, even after having understood that she should have been forced to say those things to him, he had never looked for her. And that was a guilt he had carried within him for a long time. But after all, something had broken inside him, in a way with no return. So, come back to her made no sense anymore, even though he knew that there was still love among them..

He looked at her, feeling tears in his own eyes, and struggled for control himself. "Don't blame yourself, Lizzie. Because deep in my heart I had never blamed you," he said, holding her hand lovingly. "I just took me some time to understand. But I'd never blamed you." He paused, looking into her eyes. "We were too young. We both did only what we thought it was right."

Despite already knowing everything, hear the truth from her lips, could tell her how he felt, made him suddenly feel free of a burden he had carried in his chest all these years. Tears ran down her face freely now, and he held her tightly, letting her hide her face in his chest. They were holding each other for a long time, until she finally pulled herself together and stepped away from him gently.

"Please, excuse me, I..." she said, still shaken.

"It's all right. We'll be fine, won't we?" He squeezed her hand softly, reassuring her with a grin, and handed her his handkerchief. She forced a smile, thanking him.

"I think so," she said, with a soft look. They were silent for a long time before he spoke again.

"I was never very bright, you know," he said jokingly. "But I knew you would not replace me so quickly for a... charming and fun Italian." He smiled when she looked at him with an amused expression in her eyes, seeming to have bought his prank. "What you ended up doing, eventually."

"Eventually," she repeated, with a grin. And he felt that things were under control once more.

"After all," she smiled softly, "my dear Robert, I always hold on to something that eased my guilt. You built a beautiful life, a beautiful family, with someone that makes you really happy."

Robert grinned at her, nodding slowly, a shadow of sadness passing through his eyes. He had at his side a wonderful woman who made him immensely happy, whom he had deeply hurt.

"Well, I must go. And you should go home too, or will let everyone waiting for you to have lunch," she told him, giving him back his handkerchief.

"Well, there is no one waiting for me," he said almost unintentionally, the words slipping from his lips in a mournful tone. And when Elizabeth looked at him blankly, he was forced to explain.

"They are all in London."

"Cora, too?" she frowned.

He nodded slowly, looking away. He didn't want her to realize that something was amiss.

"But then, what are you doing here, alone, Robert?" She raised her eyebrows.

He looked at her silently for a moment. Even without knowing the truth, she was absolutely correct. Made no sense he was there alone, while the woman he loved was in London suffering because of him. He had to go after her, he desperately needed to fix things and win her heart back if need be.

They walked to where the horses were and he helped her get on the horse.

"Good-bye, Robert."

He could tell by the expression in her eyes that this was not a simple see you soon, but it was something definite.

"You won't stay, will you?" He asked, before she went away.

"No, I won't."

He shook his head slowly in understanding, and looked into her eyes.

"Be happy, Robert," she said with a smile.

"I will," he replied, watching her leave.


	11. Chapter 11

XI

"_I know all about time and wound healing, but even if I had all the time in the world, I still don't know what to do with all this hurt right now."_

No one had believed in her explanations about Robert's reasons for staying at Downton. But none of them had the courage to ask her what was really going on. Except for Tom. When they had been alone with Sibbie in the late afternoon, he had asked her if there was anything he could help, and she realized the sincere affection and concern on his face. She felt touched by his concern, but even with the close relationship they had developed after the Sybill loss, she could never tell Tom what was really happening.

In fact, the only person with whom she felt comfortable talking about that was Rosamund. Especially because, if there was anyone who knew Robert's past and whom could bring some light to what was happening to him, this one was his sister.

So Cora managed to outwit everyone to go alone to Rosamund's house that afternoon. Her sister in law received her in the living room, and Cora thought she should have realized right away that something was amiss with the apprehensive expression that came over her face as soon as she had caught her.

Rosamund motioned for her to sit on the couch beside her. "I've asked to bring us tea," Rosamund said, looking at her for a moment before continuing. "Something happened, Cora? You look a little dejected."

Cora took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a second, trying to control the pain that invaded her chest, her whole self-confidence disappearing suddenly, and she did not know for sure where to start anymore.

"Cora?" Rosamund took her hand, her eyes peering into her face to searching for some answers.

Then the butler came accompanied by one footman to serve them tea. The two were silent while they served them, and as soon as they finished, Rosamund dismissed them. Once they were alone again, Cora finally spoke.

"Rosamund, you are the only one I can talk about it."

"What happened, Cora?" She frowned, a strange feeling in her chest."Where is Robert?"

She touched the right spot this time, and tears came immediately to Cora's eyes.

"At Downton," Cora replied, trying to pull herself together, her voice still trembling as she spoke. "I need you to tell me the truth, Rosamund. What happened between Robert and Elizabeth in the past? "

Rosamund blinked, that question taking her completely by surprise. She didn't know what to say, and even if she did, she didn't know if she could tell her the truth.

"Cora, I don't ..."

"Please don't try to hide the truth from me, Rosamund," she said, cutting her off, her voice sounding bitter. "I'm tired of it." Cora look at her, her blue eyes full of sorrow. "He loves her, doesn't he?"

"Cora, this story doesn't belong to me so I can tell you." Rosamund stood up, feeling unable to remain seated. "But I can assure you that all happened before Robert meet you." He looked at her, trying to look as confident as possible of what she was saying, even if she hadn't intimately so sure. "And whatever has happened between them, is something that belongs to the past."

"No, this is happening now, Rosamund! I saw something in Robert's eyes and saw the same in her eyes. I just don't know what it is." She trembled slightly, and Rosamund did not know what to do or what to say to her to calm down the pain she could see in her eyes. "I know that something happened, and I know it was strong enough to let Robert shaken again now." Cora paused a long time, as tears streamed down her cheek, stubborn. "And I need to know what happened."

"Please, Cora." Rosamund approached her, sitting beside her once more. She took her hand with affection, even without knowing what to say. "This is something that only Robert can tell you."

* * *

He made his horse run on his way back to Downton, wanting to get as soon as possible to make all the necessary arrangements for his return journey to London, still today if possible. His heart tightened in his chest, the image of the pain he saw Cora's eyes not leaving his mind. The suffering he imposed to her was so tangible that he felt that his own body aching.

But with the pain, he felt a fear rising inside his heart. Fear that this time he had gone too far. A fear that was no longer possible to fix things. He was totally afraid that he could have lost her forever.

_"I'm just giving __**us**__ the space and time we both need to solve it,"_ Cora's words seemed to echo in his mind, "_... giving __**us**__ space and time ..._" He shook his head slightly, trying to push away those thoughts . There was no time for that, if he wanted to be in London today so far.

Once he arrived, he ran straight to the phone, to settle everything for his trip. To his displeasure, due to a problem on the railway, which nobody had managed to explain him satisfactorily, he could only leave the next afternoon.

He angrily hung up the phone. He could go by car, passing the point with the problem, and take the train at a station below. He picked up the phone again to make another call, but gave up with a sigh resigned. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe the extra time would serve to him to find out the right way to fix things, and he could give Cora the time she needed to let it all settle down within her as well.

He walked slowly to the library, and stood there a long time, watching the garden, an infinity of fears and memories running wild in his mind, ghosts from the past and present. In his heart what he feared most was that the damage to their relationship this time could no longer be reversed. And if that happened, if Cora didn't want to stay any longer at his side, he knew he was doomed. Because he knew he barely existed if he wasn't at her side.

* * *

_He had met Rosamund alone in the library in the afternoon. She had avoided him for most of the day, surely knowing he was angry with her. But now he could finally tell everything he was feeling._

_"You had no right to treat Cora that way, Rosamund!" He said harshly._

_Rosamund tilted her head in a cocky manner, challenging him, which only served to increase his anger. "And why are you so angry, Robert, if you don't feel anything for her?"_

_He clenched his fists, feeling his fingernails into his palms, and approached her, his blue eyes narrowing in a dangerous manner._

_"That doesn't justify the fact that you have been rude and inconvenient!" He said, his voice rising._

_"Come on Robert! You know as well as I do that she was only after a title, as if she could become someone with a good marriage."_

_Robert took another step toward her, his eyes blazing with fury._

_"I forbid you to talk about her like this!" He said, pointing his finger to her, his voice rising even more. "Is not enough everything she already came through? She left everything she knew and loved to... to marry me..." He closed his eyes for a moment, as if it was difficult for him to go on, his voice calming down. "And be dragged to my life..." He rubbed his forehead, and then threw his arms heavily at his sides, suddenly feeling a huge weight on his shoulders. He turned his back to Rosamund, and closed his eyes, trying to pull himself together._

_"I knew you cared about her more than you could to admit," Rosamund said finally, in a soft voice._

_"Of course I care about her, Rosamund. How I couldn't?" He ran a hand through his hair. "She is this sweetest woman, so beautiful and so lovely... And every time she smiles is like ... it's as if the day lit up." His voice softened as he spoke. "And sometimes she is so fragile that makes me want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. And other times she is so brave and self-assured when facing all adversity which she has undergone, which makes me so proud to be at her side. So proud that she has chosen me." He was silent for a moment and put his hands in the fireplace, lowering his head, to stare at his shoes. He felt his heart sink in his chest. "She could have chosen any other man, Rosamund. But she chose me. And I wish I could make her happy... But I just don't know how..."_

_"Robert ..." He felt her hand on his shoulder and turned to see in Rosamund's face a soft smile. "But you know how. You just need to tell her."_

_"Tell her... what?" He shook his head, without understanding what she had in mind._

_Rosamund raised her eyebrows. "That you love her."_

_He looked at her smiling sadly. "I can't lie to her."_

_"Lie?" Rosamund looked at him for a moment, as if analyzing his face. "So you didn't see it, did you, Robert?"_

_He looked at her blankly and she continued with a little smile at the corners of her lips. "You didn't realize that you truly love her." It was not a question, it was a statement, as if she was entirely sure whereof she spoke. Robert opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, the strength of his sister's words catching him completely by surprise. She tilted her head slightly, studying his reactions._

"_But I don't…"_

_"You should hear yourself talking about her, dear brother. Only a man in love would talk about a woman the way you talked about her. Can't you see?"_

_Robert looked at her in silence, his heart pounding in his chest, for the first time realizing that maybe his feelings for Cora could be deeper than he thought._

_"No, you can't. Because you are too busy feeling sorry for yourself." She said, looking at him gravely. "You must want to be happy to be able to make somebody happy, Robert. So stop mourning the past." She placed her hand gently on his arm, pausing."And you need to tell her that you love her. You must tell Cora, before it's too late."_

_He watched her crossing the library and disappearing through the door, her words echoing in his mind._

* * *

Robert had dined in his dressing-room that night. In fact, he barely touched the food, he had no appetite. He couldn't think of anything but Cora and how she must be feeling.

He slowly opened the door between his dressing room and her bedroom. Their bedroom. The image of the empty bed lit by the dim moonlight as a sad reminder of her absence. He walked to the bed and sat down on her side of the bed, holding one of the pillows against his face, trying to feel her scent.

He looked at the empty bedroom. Her absence made that room look gloomy, the bed cold and too big. He stood up with a sigh. It was too late to call London and try to talk to her. He had not dared to call her during the day because he wanted to spare themselves from the embarrassment of her refusing to talk to him and making an excuse someone to give him on the phone.

He walked to his dressing room again. Perhaps after a night of sleep he would have the courage to call her to let her know of his arrival. But he knew that sleep would not come so easy that night.

* * *

He jumped the train that afternoon feeling tense. He hadn't called to tell them of his arrival, so no one was waiting for him at the train station. He had no idea how she would receive him, but had chosen not to say anything simply for fear that she could tell him not to come.

He was still at the train platform when he saw Elizabeth talking to a woman who should probably be her maid and the porter. She smiled when she saw him and Robert walked towards her.

"Well, it seems that we continue to meet each other, Lord Grantham."

"It seems so," he said with a grin, watching the porter to follow her maid on their way out of the station.

Robert offered her his arm that she held and he escorted her to the car that was waiting for her outside the station, where the driver was accommodating her bags into the car.

"You will stay long in London yet?" He asked her finally.

"Just two days, after I will come back to Italy."

"And Haxby?"

"It will remain open. My sons will stay there for some time, along with my sister and my brother in law." She looked at him with a smile. "Do you remember Charlotte?"

"Of course I do." Robert returned the smile.

"Well, they plan to spend some time in Haxby."

Robert nodded slowly, and then taking her hand, helped her into the car.

"I hope you make a safe journey home." He told her, and she smiled.

"Thank you."

Robert watched as the car moved on and disappeared around the corner. Then he turned to look for a taxi to take him home, feeling his heart again tighten in his chest at the thought of what might happen.

* * *

Cora was home alone, the silence weighing in her ears and gloomy thoughts invading her mind.

Mary and Tom had gone to Hyde Park and Rose had joined them. Edith had said she would look to some shops for things that she needed, but she had a strong feeling that she had actually gone to meet Mr. Gregson.

So she had decided to go for a walk too, avoiding any place she could find someone she knew. She desperately wanted to be alone. Cora walked the streets aimlessly, completely lost in her thoughts. Rosamund had not told her very much in the previous afternoon, and what she had told her not served to placate the pain and fear in her heart.

Rosamund had told her she should immediately come back to Downton, so insistently and with being so worried expression in her face that Cora had suspected there was something more there. And then she insisted until Rosamund told her that Elizabeth had returned to Haxby one day before they themselves had gone back to Downton.

This news only served to increase the fear growing in her chest, even though she knew that Robert had no idea that Elizabeth was in Haxby, so close to him, Cora suddenly felt as if she had just pushed him into her arms.

Shaking her head, she tried to push away that thought, feeling tears come to her eyes, and then realized she was near the train station. She had already walked too much, and felt the fatigue in her legs. Maybe she should hire a taxi and go home.

Then she saw him coming out of the train station. He hadn't said anything about coming home today, but she had no doubt it was Robert. And she felt her heart stop beating in her chest. A few feet away was her husband, her Robert, accompanied by another woman. Elizabeth.

She covered her mouth in a gesture of horror, and immediately felt her knees go weak, and tears streamed down her cheeks without of control.

It seemed then that he had made his choice. Without being able to look at the scene unfolding before her eyes, she turned and tried to run, but all she could was staggering to the next corner, where she entered into a taxi. She desperately needed to go away, even though she did not know where she was going. She was completely in shock, and felt as if nothing made sense in her life anymore.


	12. Chapter 12

_**I'd like to apologize to everyone because I made **__**a mistake. I should have called Cora's maid (Edna Braithwaite) by her last name and not by her first, since she is a ladies' maid. But to not create any confusion, I will ask for artistic license and continue calling her by Edna until the end.**_

XII

"_When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?"_

_Coldplay – Fix you_

She tried to wipe away the tears before Carson could open the door, but the butler knew immediately that something was amiss as soon as he took her in. Cora came in quickly, almost bumping into Carson in an attempt to try to hide her face from him, so he could not fully realize the precarious state in which she was.

"Carson, please ask Edna to go immediately to my bedroom," she said, trying to control the trembling of her voice, without looking at him.

"Had something happened, my lady?" He quickly shut the door and walked behind her, his concern clear in his voice.

"Nothing happened, Carson," she said, walking determined toward the stairs.

Edith and Mary emerged from the sitting-room going to meet her as soon as they heard her voice in the hallway. They were all worried about her prolonged absence.

"Good Lord, where were you Mama? We were all..." Mary stopped talking when she saw the pained expression on her face, and Cora turned away, without diverting from her path.

"Is something wrong? Why are you crying?" Edith has anticipated trying to reach for her hand, but Cora had moved faster, escaping from her grasp and starting to climb the stairs as fast as she could.

Hearing the commotion, Tom and Rose who were in the sitting-room joined them at the bottom of the staircase. And it was with great concern that Tom saw Cora going up the stairs in a rush with Edith in her pursuit.

"What happened?" He asked Mary, who merely shook her head, not knowing what to say. They then looked to Carson, who passed them on his way to check for Edna, but he also shook his head stating that he also knew nothing.

"Mama?" They heard Edith's voice coming from above and the sound of a door slammed. It only took a few seconds for Tom and Mary go up the stairs hurried, heading for Cora's room, to find its door open. Mary came in and saw Edith standing in the middle of the room watching horrified while Cora emptying her wardrobe putting everything over the bed.

"Mama, please tell me what is happening." Edith practically begged. Cora trembled slightly, and stubbornly tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Mama?" Mary tried again to get some answer from Cora, with no success. Tom had not entered the room, but stood in the doorway, watching everything with great concern, with Rose peering over his shoulder.

The two moved away slightly to give passage to the maid who stood next to Mary and Edith, looking as surprised as them with the scene she witnessed.

"My lady?" Edna said with uncertainty in her voice, noticing the commotion.

"Edna, please, bring down the bags down and help me to pack."

"Yes, My Lady." She said, taking only a few seconds to move. Before she left, Cora turned to her and asked her to warn Mr. Carson that she wanted to talk to him. They all could see the tears streaming down on her face, which she tried to wipe again. Mary approached her, but Cora nodded, discouraging her.

"Please, I ask that you leave me now... I..." Her voice failed for a moment and she had to struggle to continue. "I need to be alone."

"But Mama, I don't ..." Mary tried once more to talk to her, but Cora turned her back on them. "Please..." Her voice was very weak, and Mary felt tears coming into her own eyes. Tom walked up to them and silently convinced the two of them to leave the room, shutting the door behind him.

They stood in the hallway in silence, not knowing what to do.

"But what happened?" Rose asked, totally lost.

"I don't know. She said nothing." Edith said, and there were tears in her eyes as well. Tom touched her arm fondly, trying to comfort her, but he was also lost. "It must be something really serious. I never saw Mama like that..."

Edna walked past them and entered the bedroom carrying the suitcases that Cora had asked, shutting the door once more. Carson appeared in the hallway a few minutes later, his thick eyebrows curved in concern.

He knocked and announced his presence, opening the door when Cora asked him inside. Edith followed him, and Tom stopped Mary from coming in too, holding her gently by the arm. He shook his head at her, and they stood at the doorway, from where they could overhear what would be said inside the room.

"Carson, please find me a hotel room so I can spend the next few days, from tonight."

Carson blinked in surprise, and Edith opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by Cora.

"And please make the necessary arrangements so that I can travel to Newport as soon as possible."

"Newport?" Edith echoed, looking from her mother to Carson as the butler could help her understand what was happening.

But Carson was as perplexed as she, and stood there staring straight at Cora, his eyes wide open in complete amazement. Mary broke away from Tom and suddenly went into the bedroom.

"Newport? But why it now, Mama?" Mary frowned, her dark eyes peering into her mother's face in the search for an answer.

Cora took a deep breath and had to gather all her strength not to crumble in front of them. She averted her eyes from her daughters, focusing them at some point over Carson's shoulder.

"Carson, please do as I asked."

"Yes, my lady."

He seemed to have been shaken from his stupor, and by making a little bow, walked out the door quickly without looking at Tom and Rose who were still outside.

"And you girls, please let me. I still need to pack."

"But will you not tell us why are you leaving?" Mary insisted.

Cora closed her eyes again and gave her back to them, tears now back with all the strength, making her whole body tremble.

"Ask your father to explain everything."

"Papa?" Edith repeated, aimlessly.

"Now please leave me."

Edith and Mary exchanged a look, and Mary seemed to finally understand part of the reasons for that extreme reaction from her mother. She had realized that something was wrong between her parents when they had left Downton, days before. And whatever had happened to leave her mother in that state, could only be related to her father. Mary pulled Edith out of the room by her hand, leaving Cora alone with Edna who was still packing as if nothing was going on around her. They both looked distressed to Tom, who was thoughtful.

"I will call Papa." Edith finally said.

"But this isn't going to help, he won't be able to do anything from there." Said Mary, in disagreement.

"I'll ask him to come here." She looked at Tom Mary "After all, whatever had happened, it seems that is related to him."

Mary and Tom nodded, and she walked toward the staircase, stopping before going down.

"And besides, if she will leave for Newport... He must know... " she said shaking her head disconsolately, and then went down the stairs as fast as she could.

* * *

Edith found Carson on the phone, making the arrangements that had been requested by her mother. He gave her a dismayed look, and hung up a few minutes later.

"I'll call Papa." She explained herself to him, without even knowing why.

"Sounds like a good idea, my lady." He said, and walked away to give her privacy.

She asked to the operator to complete the call, that was answered shortly thereafter by Barrow. He informed her, to her surprise, that Lord Grantham had gone to London on the first train that afternoon, which meant that within a short time he would be there.

Edith hung up and looked at Carson, hopefully.

"Papa is coming. He will come in any minute, Carson. "

Carson nodded, looking a little relieved at the news, and watched her while she went upstairs. Then he returned to the phone to finish the task Lady Grantham had asked him, even though he believed it was a nonsense.

* * *

Robert jumped from the taxi and watched Bates doing the same, while the taxi driver put their bags on the floor. He turned to see the family car stopped in front of the house and his chauffeur on standby, standing on its side. The man bowed his head in courtesy as soon as he saw him.

"My Lord, may I help you with your bags?"

"Mr. Jarvis, yes, thank you." Robert smiled, climbing the few steps to the door, with Bates behind him carrying his own suitcase. But before he reached the door, Carson opened it suddenly.

"Your Lordship!" Carson had almost jumped when he saw Robert at the door, and Robert thought that was just because he had come by surprise.

"Carson!" Robert smiled at him, and he saw with strangeness when Carson opened the door in its entirety giving space to James. The young footman walked past him carrying a number of bags and placed it carefully beside the car, returning quickly to pick up Robert's bags which Mr. Jarvis had left in front of the doorway.

"Whose are these bags, Carson?" Robert said, furrowing his eyebrows after handed the butler his hat and coat. He watched curiously Mr. Jarvis put the suitcases in the car.

Carson, however, had no time to answer, because Cora came across the foyer followed by their daughters, their son in law and Rose, and Robert thought it to be an unexpected and awkward reception committee. She halted for a moment when saw him, looking shocked. Robert ventured a shy smile, but she turned her face, walking past him and hurried down the stairs toward the car. It took a few seconds to him realize that it was she who was leaving.

"Cora? What is happening?" He followed in her pursuit. "Where are you going? Cora? "

Robert tried to grab her arm, but she turned to him, her blue eyes cold and angry.

"Do not touch me," she hissed, and he frowned and took one step backwards, without understanding why she was overreacting like that. He watched as she leaned on Mr. Jarvis' arm to get in the car.

"Cora, what's happening?" He asked, with a bewildered look.

"Oh, Robert, seriously?" She said, in a bitter and sarcastic tone. She sat in the car and when Robert motioned to approach, closed the door tightly, ordering Mr. Jarvis to leave. The chauffeur hesitated for a moment, and glanced at Robert, before taking his seat behind the wheel.

"Cora?" He insisted, looking at her through the window, but she turned her face again, and Robert could notice by the slight trembling of her shoulders that she was crying.

"Mr. Jarvis, please." She said, trying to control her voice, and the chauffeur finally departed, leaving Robert standing in front his house, observing while the car went on.

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling already the first signs of headache, and rubbed his forehead with his indicator and his thumb. Then he turned slowly and saw all other standing at the door. His daughters, his son in law, Rose and including Carson and Bates were just there, staring astonished at him.

The two employees exchanged a look and Bates walked away silently disappearing among the bushes that surrounded the path leading to the house's side entrance.

"Can somebody explain to me what had happened?" Robert walked to the door hoping that some of them could clarify everything, and it was Tom who eventually spoke.

"We don't know." The young man seemed to be choosing his words carefully. "Cora went for a walk and returned home... well... looking disturbed..." Tom looked at him before proceeding. "All she said is that she is going to a hotel, and as soon as possible she will depart to Newport."

"Newport?" Robert felt his stomach twist and an immediate a feeling of nausea came over him. So finally his worst fear had come true. He had broken her heart. And she was leaving him.

Tom noticed that Robert had gone very pale, and made him enter, leading him to the sitting room. Robert let himself fall heavily on one of the sofas, under their concern gaze. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts. That couldn't really be happening.

"Papa, what happened?" He heard Edith's insecure voice, and opened his eyes to see the apprehension plastered on her face, with the same fear that he could see reflected in the faces of all of them.

"I'd... ruined everything." Robert blurted in a low voice, closing his eyes once more. He desperately needed a drink.

"Well then, fix it!" Mary said, and he knew by her tone how much she was angry. He opened his eyes again and saw Tom touch her arm fondly, trying to calm her. But Mary was right, he had to fix things, or at least try. Cora couldn't leave in that way, without at least knowing the truth. His head was spinning, an infinity of mismatched thoughts going through his mind. He needed to hold on to something tangible if he wanted to think clearly.

"You said she went to a hotel. Which hotel?" He asked Tom, struggling to maintain some level of control. He couldn't fall apart before them.

Tom hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I don't know if it's a good idea to you go after her right now, Robert."

Robert nodded in silent agreement. "And I won't. But you will." Tom blinked, without understand. "Someone needs to go after her and make sure she'll be fine." He took a deep breath before continuing. "In the state she seemed to be when she left, I'm afraid..." Robert couldn't go on, feeling a lump in his throat.

"Right," Tom said, and glanced at Mary, who nodded slowly."I'll go with you," she told him, her voice sounding more calm. But the stiff look in her eyes when she turned to him made Robert feel pain rising in his chest.

They watched Tom and Mary leaving and Robert finally turned to Edith, giving her a sad look. Edith looked at him for a while before saying, "Is there anything I can do to help Papa?"

He took a deep breath. "No, dear." He stood up and walked to the door, but before leaving, he turned to her. "Just let me know when Tom and Mary come back. I'll be in my dressing room."

* * *

Robert sat alone in his dressing room for a long time, recalling recent events, feeling an idiot for having allowed things reached that point.

If only he had not stopped in the path between the station and his house, he would have arrived earlier and might have succeeded preventing Cora from leaving. He once more searched inside his jacket pocket for the small box wrapped in a delicate gift paper, feeling a complete fool for had been going to the store. So, he carefully placed the box on his bedside table, and only then realized the darkness of the room. He lit the lamp with a sigh and pulled the watch from his waistcoat pocket.

It was late, and by then dinner was already over. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that didn't even hear the dressing gong. But it didn't matter, eating was the last thing he was thinking about. He was startled by a knock on his door and hurried to open it, feeling immensely relieved to see Tom on the other side. Robert made him enter, anxiously waiting for the news that he could bring.

"So?" He said, getting impatient with his silence.

"She is installed at the Savoy..." Tom twisted his hands together, looking utterly uncomfortable. "It was hard to convince her to receive us, but she finally accepted talk with Mary."

"And what did she say?"

"Well... The truth is that Mary didn't tell me very much. She just..." He saw Tom hesitating once more and had to control himself not to shake him. "She just said that Cora didn't want to see you."

Robert sighed heavily and shook his head. "Well, somehow, I had already anticipated this."

Tom remained silent, staring at him for a moment, and Robert felt the tension rising between them, becoming obvious to him that Tom wanted to tell him something else.

"What will you do?" Tom asked finally, and Robert looked at him, unsure how to answer that question. He didn't really know how he would fix things.

"I'll go to the hotel to talk to her." He replied because that was his only certainty.

"Maybe it would be better if you'd go to see her just tomorrow."

Robert nodded slowly, silently agreeing. The two exchanged a look before Tom walk to the door.

"Tom," Robert waited for him to turn back. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." Tom tried to smile. "If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know." He said, and then went out, leaving him alone again. Robert chose not to call for Bates. Even though he knew his valet would be totally unobtrusive, he had no desire to see anyone else. He undressed depositing his clothes on the chair beside his bed, and put his pajamas, sticking up under the blankets. And even before going to bed, he knew this would be another sleepless night.

* * *

He came down for breakfast later than usual, feeling completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. He wasn't hungry, but even though he went to the dining room to at least take some tea, since the last meal he had done had been the previous day luncheon. He believed that his delay maybe he could help to avoid his family, but it seemed that they all had been waiting for him.

As he entered the dining room all their eyes immediately felt upon him. Edith and Tom seemed legitimately concerned, Rose gave him a curious look. But there was a silent anger in Mary's face that worried him even more. And it was she who spoke first.

"Papa, I need to talk to you. I'll be waiting for you in the library." She said, giving her back and walking to the door. Robert watched her and gave up sitting at the table.

"Wait, Mary. I'll go with you", he said, and went after her.

They walked in silence to the library, and shutting the door behind him, Robert stood there, waiting for her to speak. Robert knew that Mary had talked to Cora the night before, and probably this was the reason for her being so upset with him.

"I never before got involved in any problem between you and Mama." She said, staring at him coldly. And he struggled to control himself, feeling his blood rising as she spoke. "And I don't care if you think this is not my problem, or if it is inappropriate. But I can't believe that you have been so mean to her!"

There was something beyond anger in her tone and Robert thought it was disdain. He looked at her without understanding exactly why, and breathed, clinging to the little self-control he still had. She was right, he thought it was totally inappropriate for her to address him in that tone. And as angry as he was at that moment, he knew it would be pointless exploding with her right now. Then he swallowed and tried to hold his voice when he spoke.

"Mary, I don't know exactly what your mother told you, but..."

"Not much. But enough for me to understand that you are leaving her for another woman," she hissed. Robert's eyes widened in an expression of shock.

"What?" He could hardly speak. "Where did you get that?"

"Mama saw you yesterday with..." Mary paused taking a deep breath and then continued, her voice raspy. "With that woman!"

Robert blinked, completely confused, and then realized that Cora should have seen him at the train station. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over his face, not believing that was actually happening. It was enough problem Cora had discovered about his past by herself, but now he had a big misunderstanding to complicate his situation. That was the reason for the preposterous way she had left Grantham House yesterday. And he felt completely heartbroken thinking how she must be feeling right now.

"Mary, I can explain." He approached her, looking into her eyes. Mary looked at him in silence. Besides the obvious guilt there was something in his eyes that made her want desperately that her mother had mistaken.

"Please," she said to him, her voice softening, but nevertheless with a stiff look in her eyes. Robert looked at her for a moment, thinking about the best way to tell Mary what had happened. It didn't make any sense to tell her the whole story. That was something he only could tell to Cora. And by now, he knew he owed it to her. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad if he had told her many years ago. But he wanted Mary to understand that although he did wrong, he still loved Cora more than anything, and that all she had seen had been a misunderstanding.

"I assume your mother has seen me at the train station, with Elizabeth." Mary nodded, and he continued. "I met her completely by chance after I got off the train, and all I did was accompany her to the her car. Nothing more than that. So it was all a horrible misunderstanding."

"And what happened in the past?" She gave him the question without the slightest hesitation, and he took another deep breath, controlling his anger for her being so bold.

"What happened in the past belongs to the past, Mary," he turned his back to her. He never thought one day he would discuss such intimate matters with one of his daughters. But however that the situation was hard for him, Robert knew he must regain Mary's trust. And then he went on, unable to look at her.

"What I can assure you, Mary, is that I love your mother with every fiber of my being." He paused, feeling a lump in his throat. "And without her, I'm nobody."

Mary remained silent, looking at her father, and knowing how to admit it out loud at that moment must have been difficult for him. As soon as she was old enough to understand, she had become aware of how the relationship between her parents was special and rare. As she grew up was easier to see the signs of that love so deep, in every look, every smile, and every small gesture of affection they made for each other. So even though she had never heard him admit it so openly, a long time ago she already knew the truth of his words. That's why it was so difficult to see them going through that. Especially now that she knew so well the pain of losing someone you loved most in the world. Then from the moment her mother had told her everything the night before, she had been intimately hoping that she was wrong. Because she truly believed that they couldn't live without each other.

"So please, tell her that."

Robert turned and saw the sad look on Mary's face, and felt guilty because he immediately knew that all of that should have brought her memories of Matthew.

"I will try." He approached her, trying to sound calmer than he actually was. "But I need your help."


	13. Chapter 13

_**I apologize for taking so long to post this new chapter. As this chapter was a bit long, I had to split in two. But I promise I will post the next one quickly. Thanks to all the reviews, and please keep sending it.**_

* * *

XIII

"_I won't give up on us_

_Even if the skies get rough_

_I'm giving you all my love_

_I'm still looking up_

_Jason Mraz – I won't give up_"

Robert just couldn't stay still in the same place. He should have already walked for miles inside the drawing-room, completely fidgety and nervous. He had served himself a glass of brandy, thinking that a drink would calm him, but had given up and now the glass remained virtually untouched on a table. After the first sip, he had been sure that just one glass wouldn't be enough to appease his mind and his heart. And then, in a moment of sanity among the storm, he gave up the idea. The last thing he needed was to show up drunk in front of Cora.

He managed to be alone in the drawing-room after he had practically banished Edith, Tom and Rose. His daughter and son in law insisted on keeping him company, and Rose... well, Rose seemed wanted to know what was happening. But the last thing he wanted at that moment was to share with them such personal events. It had been embarrassing enough having to talk so openly with Mary, even though he couldn't regret of having done it. Then, using the most of his, at that time, almost nonexistent self-control, he had made them realize that it was better for him to be alone. And then they had left him, alone in his agonizing wait.

He drew the curtains once more to peer into the street without seeing any sign of Mary. He sighed and let himself fall heavily in one of the armchairs. After the conversation with Mary in the morning, she had accepted to help him.

He desperately needed to talk to Cora, but he knew that if he just showed up at the hotel, she would refuse to receive him. And so he asked Mary to intercede for him, to try to convince Cora to accept a conversation with him.

For him that whole situation was very hard, not only because his actions had caused an untold suffering to the woman he loved, but also because he had been forced to involve their daughter in all this. But Robert knew that any misstep now could only make things worse. And by the way Cora had left Grantham House the day before, and by all that Mary had told him, he knew that his wife was on edge.

He heard the sound of the door closing and jumping from the chair, walked hastily to meet Mary in the hall. She didn't have to say a single word for him to know that she hadn't succeeded. It was stamped in her sad dark eyes. And Robert felt a pang in his heart.

She followed him into the drawing-room and he closed the door behind him, looking at her with a silent question in his eyes.

She gave him a worried look, sitting on the sofa. "I'm sorry." Mary said finally, shaking her head. "But she is adamant about it, Papa."

Robert nodded slowly, his gaze lost at some point, as he thought about what would be his next step, struggling with his emotions on the edge to get out of control at any moment. He sat next to Mary and remained silent for a long moment.

"And how is she?" It was all he managed to say, trying to ignore the lump that had formed in his throat.

Mary looked at him for a long time before answering, as if pondering what would be the best answer to that question. "Not very well," she said finally, trying to analyze the impact of her words on him.

Robert knew she was trying to be lenient with him. He looked at her for a moment, then made his decision. Never mind that Cora didn't want to talk to him, he would speak to her even though he had to hack into her hotel room. He stood abruptly and walked toward the door with long strides.

"Papa? Where are you going?" He was already in the hall when she reached him, and watched him with horror as he took his coat and hat to leave. "Please don't go there right now... I don't think it's a good idea... "

"And what else can I do, Mary?" He tried to control his voice, and yet his words sounded harsh and desperate. "I should allow her to continue with this absurd idea to leave me? I just can't stand sitting here doing nothing while my life falls apart."

Mary grabbed his arm, causing him to look at her.

"No. I know you have to do something. But now isn't the right time." She looked at him, straight in his eyes, before continuing. "Maybe... Mama asked Edith, Tom and I come to see her tomorrow. I think we can figure something out until there."

Robert looked at his daughter trying to control his emotions. He just didn't know how he could survive until the next day. But something in the tone of Mary made him give up going to the hotel and force his entry. Maybe she was right and all that Cora needed was a little more time.

* * *

Next day, Robert crossed the hotel lobby, accompanied by Mary, and the two walked to the reception desk, where he asked the receptionist to warn Cora about the arrival of her daughter.

They had decided the night before that this was the best way. Mary would have to deceive and thwart her mother, but she thought it was for her own good.

A messenger was sent Cora's room and returned shortly after indicating that they could go up. Mary accompanied him to the stairs, where she separated from him, giving him a significant tightening in his hand. Robert looked at her with fondness, and kissed her cheek.

"There is no need waiting for me." He looked at her, and there was a really serious expression in his eyes. "I don't know how long..."

Mary nodded silently, before telling him, "I'll be at home."

He gave her a sad smile and turned, climbing the stairs slowly, trying to push away from his mind all his fears. He was desperate, but he knew that if he couldn't think clearly, he would never be able to tell Cora what he needed.

Robert stood in front of her hotel room door and hesitated for a moment before knocking lightly. It only took a few seconds for her to open, and he could see the look of horror in her eyes when she looked at him standing there. She attempted to shut the door, but Robert prevented her, holding the door and forcing his entry before she could do anything.

"What are you doing here?" She said, her eyes cold as ice and her voice rough. "Go away, Robert!" As he didn't move, she reiterated, her voice even rougher. "Please, go away!"

"Please, Cora. We need to talk," Robert said, trying to keep his voice calm, closing the door behind him.

"I have nothing to say to you." Her blue eyes flashed with anger and he detected the slight tremor in her voice when she spoke. "Leave now, or I'll be forced to call the hotel security saying you broke into my room."

He thought of telling her that he knew she wouldn't dare to do that, but instead he took another step toward her before speaking again.

"But I need to talk to you." He said, softly but firmly, his eyes fastened on hers. "And you must listen to me."

She looked at him and for a second Robert thought he could be able talk to her. But then the expression on her face stiffened again, and her voice sounded cold and bitter when she spoke.

"I don't need to hear anything! Mary may have believed what you told her. But I don't!" She said with fury in her eyes, the words thrown at him as if they were knives. "I saw the two of you, Robert."

"Cora, do you think so little of me, that do you believe I would do such a thing?"

"I saw you two at the train station." She repeated, this time with a harsh voice, out of control.

"What you saw was the farewell of two old acquaintances." He said, approaching her again. But she turned her back, and he saw the tremor on her shoulders.

"And wasn't only that, Robert. I've seen the way you looked at her. Was it the way you look to your old acquaintances?"

Robert took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain himself. How she would understand it when he himself had taken so long? "Cora, I'm really sorry that I'd hurt you... I know I'd been acting like a fool... And I should told you before... But..." He looked at her, before continuing. "I was very young when everything happened... And things happened in a so painful way... which ended up leave some deep wounds..."

"Do you love her?" She suddenly asked, her voice sounding incredibly calm.

"No," he replied without hesitating even a second, his voice sounding like it wasn't his. "No," he repeated, this time controlling himself.

"Did you ever love her?"

This time Robert took a bit longer to answer. Why she had to go in that direction? He ran a hand through his hair, thinking about the answer to the very same question he had done himself a countless times recently. This wasn't an easy answer, but he knew he owed it to Cora. And if she wanted, he was finally ready to tell her the whole truth.

"There was a time... when I thought so." He finally managed to say, looking at her for a moment wishing that she turn away to face him, so she could see the truth in what he was saying to her. But she didn't move and all he could see was a slight tremor in her shoulders.

"It's hard to explain..." he blurted out in a very small voice. He was desperately searching for the words to explain to her what had happened, to explain to her how he had felt in recent days. "And things like these always leave their marks... Things that needed to be said... Things that needed to be cleared up... And so I had to talk to her."

"Did you look for her?!" She turned suddenly, and there was a mixture of annoyance and anger in her eyes.

"No. I... We met by accident..." He hesitated. And then he opened his mouth to continue explaining what had happened because he wanted to end for once and for all that torture, but he had no time to say anything. Suddenly all he could see was her hand coming heavily toward his face, and he quickly moved in a reflex, holding her wrist, perhaps with more force than necessary, catching her hand in the air.

"Robert, go away!" This time she yelled at him, and instead of releasing her, he pulled her tightly towards him, holding her wrist, trying to control his own anger. His final action had put their faces very close and he could feel her breathing on his cheek, her scent overwhelming his senses.

"But I won't go," he said simply, struggling to control his voice. He didn't want to be angry with her, but she was not making things easier. "Please, Cora. It's all part of my past... And... I don't know... "

Then again she surprised him when she shortened the distance between them, kissing him as her lips could devour his in a kiss full of anger and desire. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her body pressing against his, making him shiver.

Robert knew that was not the right way to solve things. He then tried gently to push her away from him, but he felt his strength slipping away as she explored his neck with her lips, her hands quickly undoing his tie, sliding down his chest looking for his waistcoat buttons and trying to open his shirt. He could feel her hands everywhere, touching him, caressing him with an uncontrolled desire. He let himself into the moment, his hands covering her body, his thirsty lips over hers. Robert knew he couldn't resist much longer, and if he didn't interrupt now, he could no longer control his growing desire for her. She was still able to dominate all his senses so completely that made difficult for him even to think. So, fighting against the urge to take her in his arms and carry her to the bed, in a last coherent thought before he surrendered altogether, he pushed her firmly but gently.

Robert turned away from her and lowered his eyes, unable to look at her, trying to pull himself together, his breathing still panting.

"Please go away." She said in a hoarse whisper, turning her back to him again, leaning on the bed as if she could not stand without support.

"Cora, I ..."

"Please ..." She practically begged, and he again saw her shoulders shivering. Robert walked up to her and touched her arm gently, trying to make her to turn to him, but she turned away from him again.

"Robert, please... I need to be alone... I don't... I couldn't talk to you now... Please go." She repeated. There was something in the tone of her voice that just broke his heart, and he knew instantly that there was nothing he could tell her right now that would make any difference. He once again had hurt her.

He walked slowly to the door, and stood there for a moment, looking at her. He ran a hand through his hair, feeling like a complete idiot for ruining the only chance he had and he probably would have to fix everything. He opened his mouth to speak, but stopped. And feeling his heart sink in his chest, he left her.

* * *

As soon as she heard the sound of the door closing, she collapsed. Tears came in full force, streaming down her face, and she lay down on the bed, feeling utterly wasted. She curled up, holding her knees tightly against her chest, as if it could protect herself from the waves of pain that invaded her chest.

She still loved him very much. Too much. She couldn't imagine how life would be without him. And yet, it was so hard to believe him. Maybe it was the hesitation in his voice, maybe it was because there were still a lot that needed to be said. But the truth was, that despite wanting so much, she couldn't believe him. If only he had told her everything before, maybe she could understand him. But his silence only served to give her the certainty that she was losing him.

She awoke hours later, had cried herself to sleep once more. She felt her head and body aching, still tense. She stood up and walked to the washroom and looked at the image of herself in the mirror, her face swollen, her eyes red.

She didn't know what time it was, but it must be mid-afternoon. She had hardly eaten anything for breakfast, and even so, she was not hungry. So, she opened the tap to fill the tub. Maybe a hot bath would help her to feel better. She returned to the bedroom, and sat on the bed, listening to the sound of the water falling in the tub.

Then she saw the white piece of paper on the room's floor, near the door. She knew what it was before she even had walked into the paper and picked it up. One note, neatly folded, with her name written on the front in the steady and elaborate Robert's calligraphy.

But she didn't open it. She just stared at the paper in her hand, feeling her cold fingers twitching. So, without further thinking, she ripped the note, and threw the pieces of paper on the floor, in anger. And then, she went back to the washroom, determined to get into her bath. But she couldn't.

He had come there to explain himself to her. And, to be honest, she had not given him a real chance to talk. She came back to the bedroom and observed the pieces of paper scattered on the floor for a long time. Finally, she knelt on the floor and gathered the pieces one by one, uniting them to form the message, and she didn't have to piece it all together to find out what was written. There were only three words, just three simple words, whose meaning was huge for her:

"_Always and forever."_

She felt like crying again, but couldn't, as if there were no more tears in her. She walked to the closet and pulled within one of the bags a jewelry box that she opened on the bed. Inside, hidden in the bottom of the box, was a folded note, the paper has yellowed by time, that she carefully removed from inside. She knew by heart the words that were written there, because she had read them many times over those thirty years.

* * *

_The first months of their marriage hadn't been exactly as she had imagined. She had always known that Robert didn't love her, but she had given herself up to having his companionship, and had consented to be part of his life even knowing that. But it was much harder than she thought, and there were moments when she felt really lonely and sad._

_However, near the end of the first year, she realized that something had changed. Cora couldn't say just when it had begun. It was small things, but for her, used to constantly watch him closely, hadn't gone unnoticed. She wanted so much to believe that that signs were real and not only fruits of her imagination or of her deepest wish that he could to love her in the same way she loved him._

_But it was all there, and she could no longer deny. Everything had happened very gradually, but she had finally realized that Robert had changed. It was in the soft glow of his eyes every time she entered a room, in the warmth of his eyes when he sustained her gaze, in that almost imperceptible smile that formed in the corners of his lips when she gave back him a look or when she smiled at him, and in the way his cheeks blushed slightly when she caught him watching her. It was in his smiles, in the way he talked to her, in his touches, in his kisses, and in the intensity and passion of their lovemaking._

_She had never been ashamed to clearly express her feelings for him, always hoping that someday he could tell her the words she so desperately wanted to hear. But after some time, she noticed that he seemed to feel uneasy every time she professed her love for him, as if deep in his eyes emerged a shadow of guilt. Then she had simply stopped to tell him she loved him, because she couldn't bear to know that her love for him made __him suffer._

_Then, slowly, things began to change. And although she felt that everything was better, she always feared that at any moment he returned to be the same distant man, with that shadow of sadness in his eyes that he always tried so hard to hide from her._

_One day, in the middle of spring, Robert then had surprised her, inviting her to go to London with him. He had to attend some meetings related to the business of the state, and had already asked to open Grantham House for them._

_During the train journey he had told her he had made __dinner reservations at the same restaurant they had gone during their honeymoon, the one she had enjoyed so much. And for the first time in a long time, they had spent a special evening together. Even under the candlelight she could see the sparkle in his eyes that made her feel her heart thumping in her chest. He was particularly charming, and seemed unable to move away his eyes off her all night._

_When they came back home, they parted with a warm kiss in front of her bedroom door, and she could see the silent promise in his eyes that that special evening was not over yet._

_She walked into her bedroom, but before she could call her maid to disrobe her, she saw a note over her vanity, her name written in the unmistakable Robert's handwriting. That was unexpected and she was surprised. So she picked it up and, and while opening it, she tried to figure out how he had put it there without her noticing. She started to read it with a small smile on her lips and her heart pounding heavily inside her chest._

_"I was never very good at expressing my feelings, unlike you, who ever so openly said what you felt for me. I must confess that at first the intensity of your feelings frightened me. And then, it haunted me, because I felt as I couldn't reward you completely, not in the way you really deserved it. _

_I'm sorry I made you suffer during this time that I have been so blind. Because I was blind to everything that was happening to you, and especially I was blind to all that was happening to me._

_It took me long for realizing how precious you are to me, how much your presence in my life brought a new meaning to everything. But now I found out the truth so long denied in my heart. And I must tell it to you._

_You are my strength. You are the shine in my eyes. You are the air I breathe. You are my beating heart. _

_Always and forever._

_Robert."_

_She felt tears in her eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, reading and rereading the note countless times. Was that the way he had found to tell her he loved her? Was that the declaration of love which she had dreamed so much? He hadn't told explicitly that he loved her, but if these weren't the words of a man in love, she didn't know what it was._

_Sometime after, Cora heard the soft knock on the door that separated his dressing room from her bedroom, and watched as he opened the door slowly. Robert gave her a sheepish look when he saw her sitting there, still fully dressed, with the note still in her hands, and Cora tried to smile at him. They exchanged a long and silent look until he walked up to her and sat in the bed next to her._

_"You found the note." He told her, in a whisper, with a coy smile on his lips._

_She nodded slowly, her eyes fixed on him, trying to understand exactly what he was trying to tell her. He looked at her, and gently wiped a tear that stubbornly had streamed down her face._

_"Cora,..." he said finally, in a very soft voice. "I tried to put into words what my heart feels." He then took her hands in his fondly, caressing them slowly with his thumbs. "But there is something else I need to tell you." He looked at her with intensity, his blue eyes glowing even in the dim light of the room. "I need to tell you some words that wouldn't fit on that piece of paper. Something I think you must to know."_

_Cora felt as if her heart would stop beating at any moment._

_"I love you, Cora. Deeply. With all my heart and with all my soul," he approached her, his lips mere few inches from hers, and she felt the tears coming again. It was finally happening. The only thing she had dreamed all this time had become reality. _

_"I love you... Always and forever," he finally whispered in her lips, and then kissed her deeply, passionately, as he had never done before. And how he had come to do ever since._


	14. Chapter 14

**So this is it, this is the last chapter. ****I would like to thank everyone who accompanied me throughout this journey, especially to everyone who sent always so kind reviews. **

* * *

XIV

"_Lights will guide you home__  
__And ignite your bones__  
__And I will try to fix you__  
__Coldplay – Fix You"_

Rosamund met Robert sitting alone in the library, his elbows on his thighs, his head down, staring at an empty glass he was holding. The image of her brother sitting there, completely heartbroken, was enough to bring tears to her eyes. But she managed to control herself. She couldn't get so emotional if she wanted to help him.

She walked towards him and Robert jumped when saw her in front of him. He was so far away lost in his thoughts that he hadn't even seen her entering. He motioned to get up but she stopped him, placing her hand gently on his shoulder, and sat down beside him.

He glanced at her briefly and then returned his eyes again to the empty glass, sliding a finger around its edge slowly.

"Robert, what happened?" Rosamund asked, placing her hand gently on his arm.

"She left me." He said after a long silence, without looking up from the glass. Rosamund knew that Cora had gone to a hotel and intended to leave for Newport. Mary had told her already. And while her niece hadn't told her many details of what had occurred between Robert and Cora, Rosamund was pretty sure that she knew the main reason for their breakup.

"Is this all because of... Elizabeth?" She said cautiously, studying his face as she spoke.

Robert looked back at her. "Not exactly." He said. "Actually, this is all because of me and my stupidity."

Rosamund gently took the glass from his hands, placing it on a side table, and took his hand fondly. She looked into his eyes, in a silent encouragement for him to tell her what had happened. Robert closed his eyes for a second, and then, knowing that Rosamund was the only person with whom he could talk openly about it, he started to speak.

He told her how and why he had been shaken by Elizabeth's return, how he had been foolish enough to try to cover everything from Cora. He told her why he had stayed in Downton when Cora had returned to London, told her about the talk he had with Elizabeth and how they finally had made everything clear between them. And lastly, he told her about the dreadful misunderstanding when Cora had seen them at the train station. Rosamund listened to everything intently and in complete silence, just squeezing his hand from time to time to encourage him to proceed when he seemed to flinch.

They were silent for a long moment after he finished, his eyes fixed on the floor. Then, Robert stood up and walked to the window, turning his back to her. He needed to recover from the turmoil triggered by his outburst.

"I can talk to her, Robert." Rosamund said him, finally.

"No, Rosamund. Mary had already tried... And besides..." He paused for a brief moment before continuing. "Cora needs to know the whole truth, but I am the one who must tell her." Robert then turned to her, forcing a smile. "Thank you, anyway." Rosamund smiled back and nodded, agreeing with him, she thought that was the best way too.

"You must be honest with her, Robert. Don't try to cover up the truth for fear of hurting her. The truth will always be less painful in the end."

He nodded, silently agreeing with her. And after all, he wouldn't be so foolish again. Cora knew how to read him too well for him to attempt to conceal the truth from her.

"Where are the girls?" Rosamund asked, trying a change in the subject.

"They are in the hotel with Cora. Trying to convince her not to go, I suppose." He sat down beside her again, running a hand through his hair.

"And when is she supposed to leave?"

"Today, in the middle of the afternoon." And then, it was like a lightning bolt had fallen upon him. "Bloody hell!"

Rosamund's eyes widened, surprised not so much because he had cursed but at that time he had said that Cora's ship should depart. He had raised almost in a jump from the sofa, to watch his wristwatch, just to make sure he had completely lost track of time.

"Damn it! Damn it! The ship will depart in 40 minutes!" He ran to the door and hurried out of the library, with Rosamund at his heels.

"Take my car, Robert! The chauffeur is standing outdoors in front of the house." She told him and he agreed with a nod.

Robert was so hectic he didn't see Tom in the hallway and ended up bumping into him, almost throwing the young man against the wall. Tom looked at him open-mouthed, not realizing what was happening, but didn't have time to utter a word, when Robert held him firmly by the arm.

"You come with me." Robert said and practically dragged him out the door. When Tom asked what was going on he simply replied, "I will need help in the harbor."

* * *

They had left Grantham House in such a hurry that they hadn't even picked up their hats or anything else. Robert instructed Rosamund's chauffeur to go as fast as possible to the harbor. On their way, he was able to explain his plan to Tom. With so little time before the ship's departure, if the two of them divided to search the port, there would be more chance to find her before it was too late.

To Robert's dismay the traffic had been partially interrupted by a milk truck that had turned down, leaving a trail of broken bottles and spilled milk on the ground, causing the cars and pedestrians had to dodge their usual paths to avoid the mess, what caused them to be even more delayed.

They arrived at the port with little more than ten minutes before the ship's departure, but for more they had sought, they hadn't found any signs of Cora or Mary and Edith. Not even Tom had gotten any information if Cora had already boarded the ship. They said to him that that information was confidential.

And it was with frustration, anger and a sadness almost verging on despair that Robert saw the large ship set sail. He felt a great emptiness inside his chest as he watched the ship slowly follow its path, carrying his heart on board.

Tom remained silent standing a few steps away, allowing his father in law had the minimal privacy he needed at that time. After a while, he walked over to Robert, and putting his hand on his shoulder guided him back to the car, and then they could return home.

* * *

Once the car stopped in front of Grantham House, they both got out, and Tom watched Robert climb the front steps heavily, as if carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. They hadn't said anything on the way back. As much as he thought of something that could ease Robert's pain, he hadn't found the words. But Tom could feel his pain. And even though it was different, Tom knew very well the pain of loss.

The door opened and suddenly from inside the house appeared Mary, Edith and Rosamund. Tom could have sworn he saw a little smile on Rosamund's face and frowned, unable to imagine why they were all there, staring at Robert as if they had some important news to give him. "_Unless..."_ he thought, and raised his eyebrows inquiringly at Mary, who realizing the unspoken question in his eyes, just nodded slowly.

Robert looked at them, but he was so defeated, that couldn't noticed the signs in their faces. In fact, he barely had seen them when he went his way inside the house.

"My Lord?" Robert slowly reacted to Carson's call, as if seized by a lethargy. All he could think about was to crawl into his room and don't get out of there soon. But he forced himself to look at Carson without noticing the anxious glances from the others.

"This came as your lordship was out." Carson handed him an envelope, and Robert felt as if a knife had pierced his chest the moment he recognized the Cora's handwriting. He didn't think for one minute and opened the envelope right there in the foyer, feeling his hands cold and trembling.

"_Always and forever."_

His eyes immediately fill with tears and then he felt it streaming down his faces. He looked up and realized that they were all staring at him, in a silent expectation. And it took him only a second to understand what it was about.

"Where..." He started but his voice failed, and then Mary held his hand tightly, with a gentle expression on her face when she spoke.

"She is waiting for you in the garden." She told him. Robert closed his eyes, feeling immediately the effect of those words on him, as if the weight he carried on his shoulders had suddenly vanished. He took a deep breath, and gave them his back, slowly following the path that would take him to the garden, under their watchful and hopeful eyes.

Mary approached Tom, her eyes still watching her father. "Do you think it will work?" Mary asked him quietly, as if speaking in some other tone was improper at the moment.

"Well, she didn't leave. So I guess that's a good sign." He said in a whisper, following her lead. "And if there is anything I've learned living with this family is that your parents love each other. Truly. And you, as far as I, know the power of true love." And then he added with a reassuring smile. "I'm sure they will find their way back to each other."

* * *

Robert stopped at the doorway leading to the garden, attempting to pull himself together, and looked again at the note in his hands.

Many years ago, in that same house, he had declared his love for her. A statement that came almost too late, but it was sincere, because it had born from the deepest feelings of his heart. Since then, those words had become special to them, powerful and almost sacred. And that was the reason he had used it in the previous day. Because he knew that those words could touch her heart.

When he had read the note only a few minutes ago and had understood that she hadn't left, his first thought was that she was still in the hotel. But the fact that she was there in Grantham House, where those words had been uttered by them for the first time, made everything much more significant. And his heart was filled with hope that she could forgive him and they could finally find their way back again.

He knew where to find her as he went into the garden, and walked straight onto the core, where there was a small fountain. That had always been her favorite place, and he saw her, walking slowly seeming to enjoy the yellow and white flowers that had blossomed recently.

Robert stood there for a moment, silently admiring the beautiful woman that she was, feeling his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of how close he was to losing her forever. And he knew it was up to him to make her stay.

Maybe feeling observed, she turned to him, and Robert involuntarily held his breath as their eyes met. There was a look of sadness and exhaustion on her face when she looked at him, but that silent and restrained anger was gone. He approached her and saw that she had in her hands the note he had written to her and had left in her hotel room the day before. Cora looked down, staring at her hands, as if embarrassed.

"You didn't leave." He said, his voice a little more than a whisper.

"No," she replied, also in a quiet voice, nervously passing the paper from one hand to the other, until she raised her eyes holding his gaze. "How could I?"

For a moment he thought she was going to cry, but then she just averted her eyes from his, struggling to recover her self-control. After a long silence, she finally spoke. "I came here to listen to you. And I will ask you only one thing, Robert." She said, her voice seeming totally controlled but was deceived by the pained look in her eyes, which he couldn't ignore. "Please tell me the whole truth."

He nodded slowly, and then, pointed to the bench near them, where they sat side by side. He was silent for a long moment, listening to the sound of leaves swaying with the gentle breeze, trying to calm down.

Robert then turned to her, looking for the right words to begin. And the only way he could tell her the entire truth was starting at the beginning, then she could understand the true nature of his feelings for Elizabeth.

Then he told her how everything had happened, from the start, their friendship in childhood, their hidden courtship, James' death and how they had decided to keep as a secret their marriage plans, Elizabeth's family departure to Italy due her father's bankruptcy. He also told her how painful was the way she had dispensed him, and how afterwards he had seen that everything had not passed of a plan so he could do what was necessary to save Downton.

"_Which was marrying me."_ She couldn't avoid the bitter thought. But at least she hadn't spoken it aloud. Until now, she had heard it all in silence. And when his eyes sought by hers as he spoke, she struggled to maintain her control and mostly, to hold his gaze. Because, most of all, she needed to look at his eyes to see the truth stamped on it. And for a moment, she could almost feel the pain he should have felt in the past.

"Would you have married her if..." she couldn't finish the sentence, feeling the growing lump in her throat.

He hesitated for a moment, but nodded. "I've had..." he stumbled on his words, his emotions running loose, "I had committed myself to her. I could never go back."

Cora glanced again at her hands, twisting her fingers nervously. For the first time since he had started to speak, she felt that she was losing control of her emotions. They were silent for a long moment, until she felt his hand over hers. Unlike what he thought, she didn't push her hands away, but remained with her eyes lowered, not looking at him.

"I thought I loved her, I can't deny it." Robert continued, his voice choked with emotion. "But I was very young and didn't know what love really was." He took her hand gently, pulling it to his lips and kissed it softly. "That, I just came to know some time later. With you."

Cora didn't dare to look into his eyes, she knew she would succumb to tears if she did it. Instead, after some time, she pulled her hand away from him gently, putting it back into her lap, her fingers touching again the paper note which still rested there.

"Why..." Her voice failed again and she took a deep breath, calming herself down, until she was able to speak again. "When she came back, why did you get so..."

He waited for her to continue, but as she remained silent, he added. "Confused?" Robert looked at the white flowers in front of them that swayed gently in the breeze. Perhaps this was the most difficult question to answer because he himself had taken a long time to understand his reasons.

"I had never thought of her. Not after I've met you..." he began. "And I never saw her after that day in Italy." He spoke slowly, as if carefully chosen each word. "I just needed to hear the whole truth, told by her. And I also needed to know if she could forgive me."

He looked at her again, wishing desperately that she looked at him. And when she kept her eyes fixed on her hands, he continued, trying to control his emotions. "I know I behaved like an idiot, Cora. And I put at risk everything we have for something from my past. I was so blind and selfish that I didn't realize how all this could hurt you."

Once more he took her hands, feeling it cold and trembling in his. "And I need you to forgive me for being so stupid. The truth is that you are everything to me. And I'll never stop loving you. I couldn't, even if I wanted to. Just because..." At that she lifted her eyes at him, filled with tears, and Robert felt a sharp pang in his chest to see her like that. "My heart beats inside my chest, but it isn't mine. You took it a long time ago. And you still have it," he finally said, his voice trembling with emotion.

Now tears rolled down her cheeks freely, and he pulled her to him, letting her bury her face in his chest, feeling his own eyes burning with tears.

"Please, Cora, believe me when I tell you that there is nobody in this world that I love more than you", he whispered.

"I believe you, Robert." Her voice came weak amid the sobs that shook her body. "But that doesn't mean I have not been hurt."

"I know, my love. And, I promise I will spend the rest of my days trying to reward you for it." He said, fighting through his own tears to keep his voice steady.

They stayed for a long time there, Robert kept her close to his chest tightly, as if afraid that at any moment she would get up and leave him forever. She allowed herself to be embraced by him. She needed to feel his warmth, his scent to make sure he was actually there. And so, she stood there in his arms, until she regained the strength to speak.

"I just need to be sure of two things, Robert." She said finally, wiping away her tears with a handkerchief he had given her, her voice slightly hoarse. "You will never conceal the truth from me. It doesn't matter how painful it may be." He agreed with a slow nod of his head looking at her, willing to take her in his arms once more.

"And you will love me." She added in a whisper. "Forever."

The shadow of a smile curved the corners of his lips, and he closed his eyes when she touched his face, feeling the warmth of her skin on his. Robert covered her hand with his, and holding it, took it to his lips and kissed its palm, warmly.

Her gaze finally softened when he touched her cheek gently, his fingers sliding down her face, tracing a path to her lips, his eyes never leaving hers. Again he saw her eyes filled with tears, and wiped slowly with his thumb a stubborn tear that ran down her face.

Robert leaned toward her, his face approached hers slowly and felt his heart pounded heavily inside his chest. She could feel his breath on her face, and saw his eyes perusing her face, as if it could suddenly absorb every single detail. And when he got nearer, his lips almost touching hers, she blushed slightly and lowered her head to avoid his kiss.

"Not now." She said softly. He gently touched her chin with his forefinger to lift her face again, a shadow of concern in his eyes as he stared at hers, searching for any sign that there was something wrong.

"Why not? There is nothing I desire more than to kiss you, now." He whispered, his voice hoarse.

"So do I... But is that... They are all looking at us", she said, her cheeks blushing even more.

"Who?" Robert blinked for a few seconds without understanding of whom she was talking about, and finally when he got it, a lopsided smile passed through his lips.

"I can see their heads peeking through the windows," she added, with a shy smile, blushing furiously.

"Well," he finally said quietly, his lips were so close to hers that brushed against hers as he spoke, "I don't see any harm that if they know how much I love you." He said and she saw the glint in his eyes. And then, before she could move away from him again, he held her face in his hands and pressed his lips to hers, softly. When he felt her lips parting slightly, he pulled her into himself, and intensified their kiss. For a long moment, they both finally surrendered in a passionate kiss, without worrying about who was watching them.

When their lips finally moved apart, he wrapped her in arms again, and she put her head on his chest, closing her eyes and letting herself be lulled by the quickened beat of his heart.

One day, many years ago, he promised himself that he would love her with all his heart and would do everything in his power to make her happy. They had learned how to live that love together, and on the contrary to what many could imagine, it had only consolidated and grown more and more as the years gone by. They had had their good and bad times, and he knew he had never been so close to losing her. Robert also knew it would take some time for things to return to normal. He didn't expect after the pain he had caused her that everything could be resolved magically. The wounds wouldn't be healed so quickly. But he would do anything in his power to heal it and to erase the scars.

Then, feeling the warmth of her nearness in his arms, he quietly renewed the promise he had made to himself many years before. Because he knew he couldn't have their relationship for granted. Life had taught him that nothing was for granted.

"I love you, Cora. Very much." He finally said, and she moved away from him slightly to lift her face to look at him. She saw his blue eyes full with love for her, causing her to fight against her emotions. He touched her face again, and she covered his hand with hers, lovingly, and suppressed a sigh before finally tell him. "I love you too, Robert."

"Are they still peering through the windows?" He asked suddenly, and she thought she saw that tiny smile twitching the corners of his lips, before she lifted her head briefly to look over his shoulder. "No," she answered gazing at him once more.

"Good." He whispered. "Because then you won't mind when I'll do this." Then, suddenly, he leaned toward her, his lips capturing hers in a hot and passionate kiss, in that way that always made her melt in his arms. In that way that always made her breathless.

And there, in that moment, despite knowing that they still have a long road ahead, she couldn't help but to completely surrender to the joy it was to have him back.


End file.
